Last Night

Last night I spent the night at the hospital. We finally convinced my Mama to go home and get some rest. Of course she called me wanting to know how he was, etc. I can see that it's not easy honestly for her to go home and not be with him. I can understand that. I can only imagine I would be the same way were it Glenn in that hospital bed.

It truly sounds strange to say I enjoyed my time with my Daddy, but I did to a degree. I enjoyed being able to be with him since this is the new reality we all must face.

After having a "good" day yesterday, he had a really bad night last night. Today he slept most all day. Mama and I spoke with a representative of Hospice to learn more about what they are all about. We have some decisions to make. We are leaving the final say so up to Daddy. Pray that all is according to God's will. No easy answers right now.

Please also pray for my oldest brother (lives in Paraguay) to be able to get here soon. He's working on changing his ticket (which is currently for Dec. 4th, arriving here the 5th). He needs to get here a.s.a.p. Daddy is waiting on him.

Tomorrow, church. Glenn is going to have a service with Daddy at the hospital. I think that will be nice for them both.

I will go back one night this coming week and stay the night again. In about a week, we think Daddy will come home. We have a lot to do in that time though to get their house ready. Pray for us.

Florida

I couldn't post about it on Monday, because we didn't tell my family... but we are now in Florida. We left Sunday afternoon after church, spent that night in Illinois, Monday night in Georgia and made it in on Tuesday evening. Tuesday evening, we already had it set up with my inlaws to eat supper with them and for the kids to spend the night there. We rode down to my parents' house (8 miles) before Mama left for the night (to go to the hospital).

We had chosen not to tell my family, because as Glenn said, "why give them anything else to worry about- worrying about us while we travel, etc." What an emotional time it was when we arrived at the door! I am so glad we came now instead of later.

Yesterday was when I saw my Daddy. I spent several hours with him, and from 4 p.m. until 10 p.m., it was just us. That was certainly special, even though it was heart breaking at the same time.

Today, I am at 'home' (where I grew up), doing some cleaning, going to make supper later for everyone, etc. Glenn and Cala have gone now to see Daddy and pick Mama up for the evening. We will take her back at 10 p.m. I however will be spending the night tomorrow night, alone with Daddy. I want my Mama to rest here at home. They've been married 51 years. This is surely taking some adjusting to, I am positive.

As I sat there last night I began thinking back to when I was a kid... hearing Daddy snore made me feel safe, at least knowing that he was there, and all was well- he could and would fight off any 'bad guy' should there be one to appear. Here however, last night, as I sat in the hospital with him, listening to his bi-pap machine (for sleep apnea), I thought about how while I still knew he was there, all was not well. There indeed was a 'bad guy' in the room, by the name of Cancer. This is a monster that Daddy can't take care of, and soon, I will be without my Daddy that I love so very much.

Grief has begun.

The Past Three Days

Cala's party on Saturday went very well! Most importantly, Cala has a great time! When all was said and done, there were 20 kids here and one adult that stayed a few minutes. The adult was one of our neighbors that we had yet to meet. That was really nice. They moved in while we were in Florida this past summer and although I kept meaning to get over there and meet them, one thing after another would keep me from doing so. Now, I wish we would have met weeks ago. We really had a good time talking Saturday!

Cala got lots of nice things and one funny thing she did: After everyone sang the traditional "Happy Birthday", they went into "How Old Are You?, How Old Are You?". As soon as they were done, Cala blew out her candles and said, "I may be small, but I'm 9 years old!" It was priceless and everyone laughed!

Following the party, I thought my feet would break. The invitations read 1-3 p.m. and so her classmates went home right after 3. The neighborhood kids though all stayed and played until I finally had to tell them Cala had to come in. That was near 6 p.m. Of course, I like having them here. I like knowing where my daughter is :o)

*****

Sunday: A lady came to church, stood in the back during the message (arrived late). She got gone before we could speak to her, but the building attendant said she told her that she had seen one of our flyers. We are uncertain as to whether or not she received an invitation at her home, or if she had seen a flyer at a local business. (we've checked, and thankfully our flyers have pretty much stayed put around the area).

God is working! He reminds us this just at the right time it seems. We are thankful for this.

*****

Today (Monday): Due to Cala having a fall break this week, and it being her actual birthday, we stayed on the road throughout the day. We had a great day celebrating her birth! We had a picnic type lunch and Cala chose our restaurant for supper. Tomorrow, we are planning to be gone most of the day again, taking in the fall colors and cool weather. This week is all about family. :o) I want our children to have great memories of times we spend together.

My Daddy: All continues "status quo" so far. I will continue to update as I get word.

There's a Party Goin' On Right Here

Yes, you read that right... amidst the sadness here, we are today having a Birthday party for Cala. She turns 9 years old on Monday! I absolutely can't believe she's this "old." She's been our daughter since she was 2 years 7 months old, but at that time she was much more like a baby than the toddler she was chronologically.

We've invited her class from school as well as the neighborhood kids. I wrote on the invitations "RSVP appreciated but not required". (I personally would hate to have someone not come because they didn't rsvp). We have had at least 7 classmates RSVP and about the same amount in neighborhood kids. I will be interested to see how many we have in the end.

I will try to post pictures a.s.a.p. It will be a nice distraction from everything else.

Following the party, we will clean up, then collapse for awhile (lol) before heading to Wal-mart to buy some things we didn't get yesterday, for the coming week.

Dates on a Calendar

I am writing this after 1 a.m. so technically it is now Wednesday, October 10th. So, yesterday, the 9th is what I want to talk about- It was fourteen years ago that day that I called my Daddy. Strangely enough, he was in the hospital then, and I was calling him with the sad news that I had miscarried my first baby.

Here we are fourteen years later and oh how I wish he were in the hospital for something "simple" as what they called back then a "bleed out" (from an ulcer). We were worried about him then, but not as we are now. No, now we know we are faced with our Daddy dying. I can't even type those words without breaking into tears.

Usually at this time of year, I have some down days due to so many tragic things happening to me in this month of October. I should have known it would be October when we got this terrible news.

My daddy is dying... my heart is breaking... I am fighting to not cry all day...

I cried myself to sleep last night. Now I pray I will rest tonight. I was in bed long before this last night- now it is the exact time I was sobbing last night. I think I will try getting some rest. I pray I can.

Prayer

So last night I'm feeling low as I was coming back from a grocery store. I felt kind of silly, but hey! We have church services in a school, and so I pulled to that school parking lot (since that was the city where I chose to go to the store!), and prayed. It just helped to be near "my church".

Then as I was coming home, I called my Mama. We talk two to three times a day, many times more. Daddy told her to tell me he loves me, and I asked if he was able to talk to me. HE prayed with me! Let me tell you, that broke me down. I took a few moments to compose myself and be able to drive.

This is going to be hard, so very hard. HOW on earth do folks without Jesus get through times like this?

Life Upside Down

I really don't know why I took so long to update this blog, but as of yesterday life has been tured upside down.

This is a picture of my Daddy with Cala, taken this past June when we were in Florida. Daddy is a Pastor in Florida, at the same church since I was 6 weeks old, and I am now 36. Over 7 weeks ago, on the way in the door from church, Daddy fell and has spent his time in the bed, ever since. Two days ago he went to the hospital and is now on the Oncology floor. Yes, we've known he's had prostate cancer for nearly 15 years. In the past year, he's taken chemo as it got a little worse. We were all coping with that and doing well. Because of the fall though, he has had no chemo, and we assume during that time is when his cancer spread. They found out yesterday that his cancer is now in the stomach and his back.

This Daddy's girl is not doing too well right now with all this. I feel as if I can't breathe. Please pray for us all.