Update on going to the doctor: I am glad I called! They had an appointment open today, so I went this afternoon. She has given me a couple of medicines that will hopefully help me with all that's going on!

Last night, I found a knot close to my right temple- near my ear. At this point, the doctor wants to just watch it and if nothing changes, all is fine. If it gets bigger, we will try antibiotics to bring it down and if that doesn't work, an ultrasound would be next. Please do pray about this. Of course it concerns me a bit.

Tonight we really had a nice time. We went to a cook-out, or "barbecue" as it is called here. It was a good time of fellowship. Now I have to say that last year, around this time, was the first time Glenn and I had ever tried brats. Glenn liked them, and I did not. Tonight Glenn raved about how good these were (Johnsonville) and I tried one and sure enough loved it too! Beats any hot dog! Funny thing is last year the ones we tried were the same brand, but who knows- maybe we had a bad package?!

Tomorrow we clean...maybe, just maybe I'll get out to some yard sales, but I sort of doubt it. It never hurts to stay in once in awhile.

Today was both Ethan's appointment with a counselor and mine with a grief counselor. The appointments went as well as those types of things can go). I am forever grateful that we have insurance that will cover these appointments for us.

I for one am super glad I have this counselor to talk to- I tell you, it's amazing to me sometimes how I will be thinking, "what am I going to talk about today?" and then bam! I walk in, and it all pours out. She also asked me to go ahead and make a doctor's appointment (medical doctor). I know I need to- due to lack of sleep (haven't slept a complete night since Daddy's death!!!). I will call tomorrow. (If I don't post tomorrow night that I have called, PLEASE post in the comments section reminding me to do so! No joke!). I realize I should have called before now, but honestly, when you are depressed, down from so much grief, your mind doesn't function near as well as it should.

As for Ethan, his counselor asked that we bring him back no more than 2 weeks apart. This is so he is on a set schedule of going to her. I believe we are close to a diagnosis that while we expected it, we fear it, but know we can learn to deal with it, and work with it. Just pray for us and especially for Ethan. What a precious child.

Today has been a full day but a "good" one over all. Here's hoping I sleep.

My heart is breaking once again... the cousin with whom I was the closest, is dying of colon cancer. Hospice has been called in. She's just 36 years old, married and has a 9 year old son. Please pray for my cousin, and her entire family. Such sadness. We knew she was not doing very well, and I am forever grateful that when we were in South Carolina for my Daddy's second funeral (and burial), that we went and visited this cousin. I am so glad of that.

When my Mama called last night to tell me about the progression of my cousin's cancer, well... I cried and cried and cried. I cried so much Cala come from her room, thinking I was sad because of "Grandpa". I explained a little to her and sent her back to bed.

I just really need your prayers- for this cousin and her family.

So There I Sat....

This summer, we have held a Backyard Bible Club in our back yard (where else!? lol) twice a month on Tuesdays. Tomorrow will be the last for this year. We have had some kids come and certainly hope to build upon that next summer!

This afternoon, a girl in our neighborhood was over and Cala invited her to the club tomorrow. She sounded very excited to come and mentioned it to me a few times throughout the day! It really did my heart good, and yes, I know she may very well not show up tomorrow, but I so pray she does!

At one point today, there were 13 kids *(including two of mine) in our garage! They were here playing and getting a little rowdy. I told Cala to go get them all a freeze pop and sure enough, worked like a charm! I invited these kids to come tomorrow and what a blessing it would be to see some show up. I know it would also encourage the lady in our church that heads up the BBC (Backyard Bible Club).

I really want to be that house where the neighborhood kids feel welcomed, where they want to come. I want them to see a difference here and learn why we don't say certain words or phrases (that we certainly will have to remind some not to use here). I got excited today thinking about how I want this to be so, and that slowly it seems to be happening.

Side Note: I have called my dog, "the evangelist dog" as through her running away, we have now met two households and invited them to church. One time was soon after we got Zima. We walked all around and I found her in a neighborhood yard. I got to talk with the mother there. The other time was the girl I mentioned at the beginning of this post. Cala met her the last time Zima got loose when the girl saw Cala looking for the dog and realized she was right close to her home. And now, we have invited this girl to the club and to church. Therefore, Zima is my evangelist dog! ha

I was happy today and wanted to call Daddy. I actually thought, "I need to call Daddy and tell him about all these kids and to pray that they come to the club and to church!" And then it hit me. I can't call him. Daddy has direct access to the Father- how incredible is that!!!!!!! (and yes, I know we have direct access to through prayer, but you know what I mean!). Ok, so I think if there was a bus load getting up for heaven tonight, (and we wouldn't be coming back) I wouldn't offer to be on that bus... I am human! (gasp) I just know that with Daddy's dying, I am closer to the point of wanting to be at that bus stop. I miss him. No other word for it but a deep missing- a part of my puzzle is gone. That piece you search for but can't find.
I had this deep realization today and there I sat. I sat thinking how hard it actually is sometimes to REMEMBER that I can't call Daddy. That's just so strange. Wonder when that will change?!

And here I sit... hoping to sleep tonight... hoping I'll have a dream of Daddy again soon like a few nights ago when I had the only dream I've had of him since his death- and it was totally silly!!!!!! I was wearing two of his shirts together and there he sat in a corner. He said, "They couldn't find you any better shirt than that since I died?!" HAAAAAA

Exhausted but had a really, really nice day. We left this morning at 9:30 and just got in at 7 p.m. ! We've been several places looking at various things, bought Glenn some jeans on sale, and other stuff we needed.

We also bought two apple trees! (yes, apple trees!)We are excited about those! (McIntosh and Golden Delicious).

We were really wanting two other Minnesota varieties, but they were out of all those- Honey Crisp and Sweet Sixteen. (the Honey Crisp are our favorites! We had never heard of Sweet Sixteen until today).

And that was basically going to be my post until this: while I am typing this blog, 9 year old Cala is on the phone to her grandparents. She just told her Grandpa: "Grandpa, I wish you didn't have to work so much (he's a welder and works long hours). You should work at Wal-mart. That's where old people work!"

Oh my! I NEVER know what will come out of her mouth! ha She's precious....

Friday

The happiest news I can share is that my Mama is o.k. I realize I never even shared that she was going in today (Friday) for a colonoscopy. I had planned to post that last night in hopes that ya'll would pray for her. However, I went to bed hoping I could sleep, and forgot all about my blog!

I am just thrilled that the doc said Mama doesn't have to worry about colon cancer! That's a major relief for us all. (she has colon trouble- has for years).

I think if we were all honest, it has been on our minds. The what ifs in life can really get you. They can make you worry needlessly, but after all, we just lost Daddy. The thought of something being wrong with any of us right now is just overwhelming. Yes! We praise the Lord for His goodness in allowing Mama to be o.k. To the left, you will see a picture of my Mama and my daughter. Cala calls her Grandma her partner.

Baptism locale

The baptism Sunday- look how low the Mississippi River has gotten around here! It was sad really. The area though is absolutely beautiful and what a precious time we had out there for this baptism!

The Lord is good!




I realize I haven't posted a picture of my kids in awhile, and so here they are! This was taken a few days before the baptism when we were looking for the place! You can tell a little from the background how beautiful it is out there. I definitely want to take the kids back with nice clothes on and pose them for pictures.

I keep getting responses from people (through email) about how big Ethan has gotten, but I honestly think it's just the angle of this picture! ha. He's honestly not as close to Cala in height as he appears here.

Tonight the kids decided to do some wrestling. Cala won the gold medal for Russia! (yes, they are way into the olympics :o)

3 a.m.

So it's 3 a.m. I haven't even been to bed. I fell asleep for about 20 minutes while Glenn and I were watching an Alfred Hitchcock movie (which we've been doing nightly right lately). That was much much earlier though- we started the movie at 9 p.m.

This has sooo got to change! I have too much to do as a wife, a Pastor's wife at that, a mother, (to kids ages 9, 5, and 3 at that!) to not be getting sleep! I am seriously thinking now of doing what I was avoiding- going into the doctor to ask for some help.

Weird thing is I really emotionally have had 2 pretty good days! I haven't posted here since Friday I noticed so let me update:

Saturday was our normal big cleaning day. However, Saturday morning, I took all 3 kids with me to yard sales and then on to Wal-mart. This gave Glenn some much needed alone time to study more for Sunday, etc. I was thrilled that it went so well- the kids really behaved well and we all had a good time together!!!!

Sunday we had our first baptism here. That was so very special, and we baptized in a beautiful location, in the Mississippi River! We ate Sunday dinner with the family of the girl we baptized and really had a nice time of fellowship. What a blessing!

Yesterday (Monday), we did our typical Monday thing of taking it easy, recuperating from Sunday! I did a few loads of washing, the kids spent a lot of time playing outside (well I should say Cala was outside most of the day! Ethan was out part of the day, and Seth- well, Seth goes out for a little while at a time, comes back in because "I'm hot!"). They all three looked like a ton of dirt fell off in their baths at night! ha

I will try remembering to post some pictures later on from the past few days. For quite some time now the computer wasn't letting me upload from my memory stick but hallelujah it worked on Sunday! So, I'll upload some here soon! Stay tuned...

Friday

What a full day! I am tired and hope I can sleep tonight. That would be a change!

This morning, Ethan and I had somewhere to go about 30 minutes from here so off we went. Got that taken care of and Glenn and I dropped the kids off with a church family and went to my therapy appointment. After that, we ate lunch together, came back, got the kids, headed to a couple of yard sales, to Home Depot (to look at the price of fences... we really would love to fence in our back yard!)... then to Super Target.

While at Target, we bought a vacuum cleaner. We have no luck with vacuums- sometime I will explain, but we bought a new one tonight. Got home, used said vacuum (Glenn did- I am highly allergic to vacuuming- no joke! love vacuuming but can't.) (Isn't vacuum a funny looking word?!) .... The belt broke on said vacuum and off Cala and I go back 9 miles to Target to pick a new one up... bought one for an old vacuum and sure enough it now works too. It's not a really good vacuum- the handle is broken, but we will now have an upstairs vacuum and a downstairs one. It's nice. Our new vacuum seems to do really well! I was amazed and disgusted by the dirt it got up.

Friday nights we have family night, and tonight was Ethan's turn to choose everything. Before bed, the kids helped in cleaning upstairs and re-arranging the furniture.

Cala and I are off to yard sales tomorrow morning... possibly taking the boys too, not completely decided yet. Lots to take care of tomorrow. Goodnight!

Thursday

This morning we all loaded up and went looking for a suitable place to hold a baptism.
We found one! We had been told last night at church about this place and sure enough it will do wonderfully. It is beautiful there!

SO, Sunday, we will hold a baptism in the Mississippi River no less!

Wednesday Post

Wednesday was Ethan's 3rd Family Day. It's incredible to me that it's been 3 years since Ethan became our son. The picture to the left is from the first time we met him.... May 2005. I can't believe how babyish he looks here. He was just 2 years 4 months old then. He came home August 13th at the age of 2 years 7 months.

I hope to be able to post a recent picture of him soon. Unfortunately, our computer doesn't want to upload pictures from our disc anymore! ugggh.

To celebrate Ethan's Family Day, after lunch, we headed to the city park. We even took our dogs with us and had a great time! Supper was sloppy joes and tater tots (at Ethan's request!) and Carrot Cake for dessert. (this boy doesn't care for chocolate much!). I don't let my kids have Cokes (sodas, pops,whatever you want to say) except for special days like this, and so today we had Ethan's favorite- Coca-Cola! He really had a great day and I am so proud to be his Mama!!!!!

Tonight I said, "Ethan! I am glad you're my son." He said, "I'm glad you're my girl!" :o)

Tuesday

This afternoon, I took Seth on a "date." We had a good time buying him school supplies (for homeschool- pre-school). He was so cute as he would pick something up and put it in the buggy saying, "here, we need some of these!" Of course a few times I promptly put said item back on the shelf because well, what's a 3 year old going to do with a protractor!? HA

I tried to spend today happy, not focusing on the fact that today, it was a year ago that my Daddy fell. I noticed that every moment that I was quiet, I cried or felt incredibly sad... if I was busy (this morning we had a kids meeting to attend), I could function.

I just hope I sleep tonight!

Tomorrow is the funeral for the baby I mentioned a few days ago. Please pray for our family!

Monday

It's now 12:37 a.m., after midnight.... I am unfortunately wide awake!!!

Monday- I got a lot done... did a good bit of washing/drying clothes, made several needed phone calls, got some things ready for the mail, etc. etc. I ended up not getting out of the house today, except for going out back for a few minutes. I heard my dog bark, looked out back and didn't see her. Glenn was gone, Cala was across the street at a friend's house, and the boys were both napping. I went out back to check because my dog has a habit of getting loose. However, there she was still on her chain, but in the "dog house." So, I spent some time loving on my dog, looked over and the puppy (won't be a puppy much longer!) was jealous, so over I go to spend time with him too. I then hear a bark from my dog who was completely not happy that I was loving on Snezhinki! (the puppy).

I had some really down moments today... called and made therapy appointments for Ethan and me. The soonest they could get us both in on the same day was August 28th. Feeling more and more depressed, after Glenn got home and convinced me to do so, I called back and they have an appointment available for me this Friday.

Tomorrow (Tuesday) morning is the Backyard Bible Club. I am supposed to say a few words there about missionaries. I look forward to that.

We had a good day of church services and now as is always on Sunday night, I am ready for bed! Only thing it's 9 p.m. Waaaaaayyyyy too early for this night owl. ha However, I've not been sleeping very well lately, and I really do think I will take a different approach tonight and go to bed earlier.

Maybe at least I will get more sleep, even if it's interrupted.

On a cute note, this afternoon Ethan asked, "Mama, is this hip-hop?" Then he proceeded to hiccup. HAAAAAAAAAAA

There are no words tonight, just a heart full of many different emotions. A relative of mine is dealing with the loss of their baby daughter today. This hurts on many different levels.

It touches my heart thinking that my Daddy was there to welcome this precious baby into heaven this morning! That's the amazing part. The human side of me aches.

Cala's home!

I temporarily got out of my sadness to be happy that my daughter is home from camp! We were all so happy to see her, even her baby brothers were saying, "Cala, I missed you!" She seemed very tired, but very happy to have gone, and very happy to be home. A noticeable difference was that this normally very white Russian girl has gotten some color in her face and arms!!!

We enjoyed a quiet evening here at home and watched the opening ceremony of the Olympics. Yes it was late, but we let every kid stay up until at least all three of their countries had come out. Actually El Salvador had not yet come when we finally sent them to bed, promising Ethan we would call him when they came out. Once we said, "hey Ethan! El Salvador is coming soon!", here came all three kids. We all cheered when each country's athletes passed by, and of course us American parents cheered for the U.S. as well :o)

We even watched for Paraguay (where two of my brothers are missionaries and three of my nieces/nephew are from)... we cheered for Albania where one of my sisters-in-law is from, as well as for Mexico, where another sister-in-law is from!

We will watch those countries especially over the next couple of weeks I am sure.

Hoping for a good night's rest, I am heading to bed.

Anniversary

This was taken just last year, in June 2007. We had gone to Florida for my youngest brother's ordination service. This was taken during that same trip.

Today (well, Thursday, August 7th) would have been Mama and Daddy's 52nd anniversary. It was the last date he wanted to be around for, but of course he didn't make it. God was gracious to him, to let him out of his suffering before now. I realize that in my head, but my heart just aches. I miss my Daddy so very much! I felt rather silly yesterday and today- I was crying and thinking, "I want to call Daddy because I feel so sad." Then I remembered, "hey Amy! You're crying because he's no longer here!".

Watch this interview!

Remember a few weeks ago (in May) when Christian singer Steven Curtis Chapman lost his daughter Maria in a tragic accident?

They were interviewed this morning on Good Morning America. You can see the interview here: http://abcnews.go.com/video/playerIndex?id=5524419

The Chapmans will also be guests on Larry King Live tomorrow night. I hope I remember to watch that!

Grief is "in my face" today. No other way to describe it. Sort of zapping my energy.

I must press on.

Friends

I am thankful for friends who still call. You see, many times I have seen that people are forgotten in their grief. The cards stop, the calls, emails, etc. stop. Just like that... people go on back to their lives while the grieving still feel as if the world has stopped.

As a Pastor's Wife, I am vowing not to be this way (and as a friend). I personally think it would be great if for a month following the death of a spouse let's say, that someone would still bring in a meal once a week. What a blessing that would be! My Mama has my sister in law there with her, but of course my sister in law grieves too.
I am particularly thinking though about those who have no one, all have gone and there sits the grieving widow (or widower). Who feels like cooking?! I don't and I didn't lose my spouse!

SO back to my post title... I was very happy yesterday to get a "checking on you" phone call from a girl (she's 3 years younger than me, maybe that's why I said, "girl"?) that I grew up with... to me, I count her my sister. In fact, as soon as I let her know that Daddy had died, she jumped in her car and headed to Mama's house. She called first asking them to hold the body so she could say her final bye. She called me back telling me how she "told Daddy" that his girls (she and I) would stay in contact. She was just a true friend then and it was nice to have her call.

Then a woman who I became best friends with in junior high and high school (and hadn't seen in at least 4 years) came to the viewing and the funeral (I called her the day of Daddy's death--- she and her husband had visited him last fall when he was in the hospital, but before I got to Florida back then.... anyway, she called me today. We've been emailing since I got home Saturday, and then she called checking on me, as well as to tell me that her precious 93 year old grandmother is not long for this world. I have met her Grandma many years ago, and I feel her hurt.

I must end this post by saying that I thank GOD for these phone calls. Yesterday I felt myself slipping into depression and it only got worse today. Both calls helped me right at a moment of just about to cry.

We took Glenn to the doctor today- he woke up not speaking, swollen face (looked like Mick Jagger!), fever, throat hurting. He has a throat infection. While there, I talked to the doctor about my not sleeping and let her know that my Daddy had gone on. (I had been in there a few weeks ago). She told me what to try first before we consider a prescription. I about broke down in there because a nurse asked why we had been in Florida- was it for vacation? OF COURSE she had no clue about my Daddy, and I felt awful for her when I said, "no, my father died." She apologized profusely and I told her "no problem, you didn't know." I think it was after that though that it hit me in the face again.

It was after that, that my friend from school called. God was good to send that call my way right when I needed it most. We even got cut off while talking but it just helped to hear a familiar voice. Thank you Lord!

This morning, I did a favor for a friend and took care of two girls she babysits. (while she ran two of her kids and my daughter to the church that took them on to camp.)

After the girls left, I started working more on my menu and grocery list for the week, planning to go on to Super Target and Super Wal-mart soon. It didn't work out that way... oh yes, I made the list and menu basically, but had to make a phone call and wait on a return call. AND so, Ethan and Seth had both had their naps and were back up before I was really ready to go. Ethan ended up going with me and we did well... we were finally able to find him some more school clothes, including LEVIS on clearance for $8.98! That's just wonderful! I bought two pairs! I only wish I could find such a deal on Levis for Cala. They are both so rough on their jeans and we thought this year that we should buy them a good pair or two of Levis. I may have to spend regular price for Cala.

Ethan and I really enjoyed our time together and he spent most of it asking me questions about heaven, about Jesus and what the mean guys did to him on the cross. He was just so precious today.

Tonight, I am really tired. Going to bed soon.

Sunday

We only learned this morning when we remembered to check our messages that we couldn't hold our worship service in our normal meeting place. SO, we quickly got up all the luggage we had just dropped last night in the family room, and called our church people to come here to our home. It all worked out and we were all glad to be back together!

In between Sunday School and the preaching hour, Glenn asked that we stop and pray at that moment for my 20 year old nephew. (in Florida). You see, I have always been close to this nephew and last week while in Florida I could tell he wanted to talk and if I kept asking he would tell me what was up. Turns out he was being called to preach!!! WELL, today he surrendered to preach (went forward at church during the invitation to make it known!). This is exciting for me. He told us he only wished Grandpa could have known. Reckon God tells them of such great things like that?! Perhaps! I do know Daddy would have been proud.

And now I shall head back to finishing Cala's packing. She goes to church camp tomorrow. I will certainly miss that girl! She doesn't come home 'til Friday! This is a monumental occasion!

Home again...

Home again... we got in around 7:15 p.m. this evening (CST). We are exhausted but happy to be home. The kids got REALLY excited at the Minnesota sign! ha

I am just so very happy that our van made it here without any problems, AND we had no bad weather at all! (that's highly unusual!)

I have ironed clothes for church, am starting a DVD, but know I'll never make it through it... just want to unwind a bit. It's hard to believe I am back home. Life must keep going, somehow.

Wisconsin

We have had a good day of traveling... ok, so my usually really good travelers decided today to fight like cats and dogs!, but really we had a nice day.

I was very happy to be able to meet in person for the first time another online friend. This friend and I have known each other for several years now. We "met" on a Preachers Kids (that are now adults) yahoogroup. We found we were some (if not the only) of the ones who were happy growing up as PKs. So many others on the group seemed to hate their life. We stayed in touch even after we both left the group and are now on the same group that the woman from yesterday is on :o) We enjoyed eating supper together tonight.

We are now snuggled in our hotel room. It appears we have about a 5 1/2 hour drive tomorrow. That's nothing compared to the last two days! ha We will all be happy to get home.

Just praying for our van to keep on going...