Currently trying to stay warm! It snowed all day (Saturday) and was one of those "don't go out" days. At bed time (I am obviously not in bed yet, but I mean at decent people's bed time! ha ha), our road had not yet been plowed! I only saw two vehicles come down our road all day and they were both trucks. (and I know the mail man had to come: "neither rain nor sleet, blah blah"....)

Tomorrow we are under a windchill advisory (actually right now as I type this it's -12 real temp, and a -37 windchill. That's ridiculous! HA HA That's Minnesota. It really did hit early this year though so it makes you wonder just how long will this winter be?!

Where we meet called to say tonight that the place is not plowed nor will it be since it's Christmas break. And so, we will meet here in our home. Hopefully our church members can get to us, if not, we will still as a family meet. (and they will meet in their home). Hopefully we'll at least be together by evening.

We must get out on Monday as that's when my brother and his family arrive! I am very excited about having them here! I've really been missing Daddy lately and I know this will help being with family who miss him too.

Just wanted to share a picture I took today of some beautiful trees! I LOVE this times of year when you see snow everywhere you look! The trees are just spectacular this way.

No, I sure wouldn't want to live without snow! I can't imagine it!

Last night we had some friends over for supper and to play games. It was a very nice time, after a very trying day!

Today has been a good day of church. Weather wise, we are hunkering down for a good ol' Minnesota type winter night. It's cold and only going to get colder tomorrow morning. We are hoping for a delay at least in the start of the school day, as wind chills at bus stop time are expected to be near -30! ugghh It's -5 right now.

Just so happy tonight to be able to be at church!!!! It was great to be in a worship service as well as to see everyone again! I surely missed it.

I am thinking of getting out tomorrow. Either tomorrow or definitely Friday I will go do some more Christmas shopping. I've been so cooped up (except for going to get the Christmas tree last week- and even then I did NOT get out in the elements).

Hey Suz! You asked if that's a new picture on the sidebar--- no, I've had that up for months! :o)

It was so very nice to finally feel like cooking tonight! It had been since Thanksgiving that I was able to do so. I did decide to stay in until Thursday, because it was extremely cold today (single digits) and I want to be able to be at church tomorrow night!

Thanks to all those who have really been praying! I surely needed those prayers and still do! I've been sick with a severe bacterial infection (according to the doctor), since Thanksgiving night! ugghh.

I took a round of Z-pack and a prescription strength cough syrup (with Codeine in it, none-the-less) that should have knocked it out of me! A couple of days ago, I called the doctor's office because I noticed my Z-pack had a refill on it. I was informed that a Z-pack is for 5 days (which I knew since I took it all up in 5), but that it then stays in your system another 5 days. AND so, if not better, I should refill my Z-pack on day 10, which would be tomorrow! I am still taking the cough syrup, which thankfully is working pretty well now.

I am soooo very tired of being in the house, and especially at this time of year when I love to be out shopping for Christmas. I've missed two Sundays of church and a Wednesday night! I pray I am able to attend (and have church here in our home) on this Wednesday. I think I will be. Thank God for church members who held services in their home the past two Sunday nights and Wednesday night.

In other news- we are excited about one of my brothers (a missionary in Paraguay), his wife, and their daughter, coming here to our home for Christmas!!! They've really wanted to experience a "Minnesota Christmas", meaning the cold, the snow, etc. I am happy to oblige with lots of snow falling as I type this! It's beautiful. I can't help but sing the hymn, "Whiter than Snow".

I am extremely sick today. Glenn and the kids were getting ready to walk out the door for church this morning when I began throwing up. Glenn told Cala to stay with me, and I really am glad he did that! She was a real help for me this morning.

Tonight, they are having church at church members' house since I am unable to have it here. Since they are only less than a mile away, I insisted that I was fine alone. I confess I will be glad when they are home! Just something about when you're sick, you want someone around.

Pray for me. This stuff is rough. Be glad when the meds kick in!

Black Friday shopping overall, was a good time. However, once we got home, I increasingly became sick (have been battling a cough and congestion for days).

Fortunately, I got in to the doctor's office and found I have a bacterial infection. I am now on a Z-pack and a strong prescription strength cough syrup. (YUCK is how it tastes- YUCK! YUCK! YUCK!!!!)

Thankful though I got in so quickly.

Thanksgiving Day was such a nice time for us! We went to church members' house around 12:45 in the afternoon and came home at 7:45 in the evening. It was truly a relaxing day and I am grateful for that!

As I type this, it's 3:51 a.m. Black Friday!!!! Yes, I am one of those shoppers who just has to be up to get the good deals. My wonderful husband AND kids are going with me. Glenn doesn't care for shopping, but there are some deals at Circuit City calling his name! ha If it weren't for him going, I wouldn't be able to go so early because I wouldn't want to drive alone through the country at dark. Thank you for Glenn! :o)

Now, best laid plans... I was in bed at 10:30, alarm set for 4 a.m. Do you know when I woke up?! 2:15!!!! Ugghh. I haven't been able to sleep since and so here I sit. I am quite sure that my bed is waiting for my return this afternoon! I will honor its wishes and comply with a nap!

Yes, our kids are troopers. Their Mama has taught them to appreciate a good deal, and Cala has a whole ten dollars to spend! Much to her delight, a doll is on sale at Wal-mart that she wants!

Me? I'm going for the thrill of it all. ha It really is much better shopping here than it was in FLorida where the crowds were worse. I certainly wouldn't traipse off to the Cities though here during this time. I'm not dumb. (just crazy).

It is NOT time to sing Christmas songs!

Sorry to my readers- those of you who are men, but just read it anyway for a laugh.....

We were in Wal-mart tonight when I rounded the corner to buy some deodorant, which just happens to be on the same aisle with shall we say, "feminine hygiene products."

I had this feeling that Seth (age 3) would say something, but uh... he was mid song- singing, "Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, jingle all the way".

Upon seeing the pads, he changes the lyrics to......

"Jingle Pads, Jingle Pads, Pads are here today. Oh what fun it is to ride in a paaaaadddd all the day. Oh jingle pads, jingle pads...." OF COURSE the aisle had spectators who at least found this amusing.

I wanted to hang my head but couldn't help but laugh myself.

I sure let time get away from me. It seems to be so easy to do so lately, and I was surprised to realize I hadn't posted since Monday. Never fear, I am here. It's just life with our RAD child is proving to be ever trying. We did have a good day yesterday and are thankful for that.

We woke up to it being 7 degrees this morning with sub zero windchills! Hellooooo! It did warm up to a balmy 17 as I type this at 12:30 (afternoon)! A regular heat wave when it was so cold this morning. Supposedly we are warming up for a few days and then of course, it won't disappoint, the big freeze will take hold before long. After all, Minnesota.

Lonely Neighborhood?

Cala just came running downstairs from her bed to say, "Mama and Papa, I forgot to tell you that _____ said today that she may be moving too! That she probably will be moving!" I asked, "WHAT?! Are you sure?! Are you joking?! Are you sure ____ being serious?!" You see, Cala was near tears and with good reason for a 10 year old.

When we first moved here, a little over 2 years ago, across the street were 2 kids that Cala was in between them in age. They showed up at our door that first day to ask if they could play with our daughter. They became friends. Those kids just moved last week (along with their family of course!). This was due to a lost job and losing the house :o( (as is becoming so very common it seems).

On one side of them lived a family with I think it was 3 kids who played with Cala from time to time until the parents divorced and they all left. Last year in June, a family with 3 kids (all not far in age from Cala) moved in. They became friends (especially the middle boy) with Cala.... they are now leaving soon due to divorce! (that house has a theme?!). The man will be keeping the house in that case though, but the children are moving far away. (this is their step-father).

Now, next to us on one side lives a child that plays with Cala from time to time but we haven't seen nor heard from him in quite some time. There appears to be no one there. AND now this... this latest one to tell Cala they are moving- well, she's just in tears at the thought- asking why everyone is moving?!

I told Glenn it made me want to go outside and hug our house, holding on to it!

I have begun praying for good neighbors with kids to play with for our kids. We have been blessed so far with good neighbors, so I sure pray that continues.

Cala called us the lonely neighborhood.

Cala, at the age of 10 can be well, Cala. ha Here's an incident that happened today though that renewed my faith in the girl as a big sister. She was at Target with her birthday money that she had never spent and bought each of her brothers a Matchbox or Hot Wheels car. As she was choosing which one she said, "I'm glad I can do this for them!" I almost went into shock! ha haaaaaa

She then came over, poked me, and said, "See Mama. You don't think I love them, but I do!" It was so sweet :o)

On Wednesday at lunch, I said, "Brrr..." Seth asks, "you're cold?!" When I said, "Yes", he runs off to his room, bringing back his comforter. He wraps it around me and I say, "I'm so glad you're my son!" He responds with, "I'm so glad I wanted you!" :o)

Then today (Thursday), he did all he could to help me. I think Ethan's situation is making him realize that Mama needs someone to help. It's really very sweet to have Seth pray , "Please let Ethan be o.k. Lord."

Tuesday

Wow! Today was one of those days you just wanted to stay in the house, by the fireplace, with a cup of hot chocolate! Of course it was not to be. I took Seth this morning to our bi-monthly parent/child pre-school class. It was pouring snow at that point! We felt the truck slide as we tried to come home. An adventure for sure!

Tonight at 6, I took Cala to her Brownies meeting and went back to get her at 7:30. Both times, it was a mess out there, and black as night! (ha ha- it was night!).

Life in Minnesota! It's just that time of year.

Monday

So for ya'll not to think I was so overcome with grief at taking down my McCain stickers, I thought I should post! ha

Life has become all about Ethan and his diagnosis of RAD for me. It is all we think about and talk about it seems, but of course other aspects of our life are going on as well. We continue working here to see our church grow.

As it gets dark so much earlier now, we don't get to go door to door. Never fear though! We are looking for every sports event there is so we can get out and put invitations on the vehicles there.

As for my grief- I really, really, really miss my Daddy. I really wish I could talk to him so many times lately. On the other hand, he loved Ethan so dearly, it would hurt him greatly. In that regard, I am glad he doesn't know. I just long to have him to talk to.

Upstairs I go to see how my crockpot potato soup turned out! ( a new recipe I tried- been in the crockpot since 10 this morning!) It's now almost 6.

It was hard this morning to take down my McCain and Palin stickers here at the blog! I hate that they didn't win the election, but now we certainly should continue praying for our new President-elect.

Here on the homefront, we are "plugging" along dealing with Ethan's RAD. It's a daily challenge and we pray we get news soon of when he can start intensive treatment. (more of that on my RAD blog: http://myradchild.blogspot.com To answer some questions that I've been asked, yes you have to sign up through google- it should "walk you through it". Then, simply contact me (or even contact me first) and ask to be added.

Today is a terribly rainy, dreary day. Not sure if I will get out today or not. It's not like I can't find something inside to do, so we'll see.

Sunday

Our church members were gone the past few days to visit family and so they were gone this morning. (back tonight for evening service). This morning, it was just our family. I laughed when saying to Seth that it was going to be just us. "Don't you remember before the ________ came that it was just us?" He said, "No, ma'am." We talked a bit more but it was clear he doesn't remember. I know that's nice though because it was surely depressing back when it was no one week after week.

Now we pray for more to come through those doors.

God was gracious though honestly this morning because it was very rough with Ethan while at church. He really had a hard time. I will post more about that on http://myradchild.blogspot.com

PRaying for Tuesday and this election!!!! May God give us the man we need, not the one we deserve!

Thanks Blog Pal

I keep forgetting to post to my Secret Blog Pal a THANK YOU!!!!! I have received your packages throughout this round and got one yesterday (candy for the kids). Thank you!!!!! Sorry I keep forgetting to let you know!!!!!!!!

So I can admit.... I've had some gray hair make their appearance lately. I was dealing o.k. with that. Not anymore! HAAAAAAAAA

We are sitting in church tonight when Seth (age 3) is lovingly playing with my hair. He whispers to me so innocently, so sweetly, "Mama! Do I have gray hair?!" HAAAAAAAA

I whispered back , "when you're older!"

At least I got a laugh tonight.

It was a very long time coming, but my mother in law finally made it to Canada!!!! (my father in law's first time too, but there's a story behind my mother in law's first time). Back when my mother in law was a child, her family traveled to Michigan picking cherries. They were within miles of the Canadian border and her Daddy planned to go. However, for some reason, he ended up not going, and so she had all her life never been to Canada.

We got her there- not through Michigan of course, but through Minnesota.

Glenn and I have been to different areas of Canada, to Toronto, to Quebec, but this is hundreds of miles away from there. The scenery just above the Minnesota/Canada border is beautiful.

These small mountains were so peaceful:

You can tell the boys enjoyed their traveling time! My precious sons!

We all agreed that we want to make this trip again, with more time to spend. Last year we visited South Dakota (Mt. Rushmore) with my inlaws. We LOVED that... but I tell you, we all said we would love several days back in the North Shore/mountain area of Minnesota and into Canada. God was good to allow us this time! My mind even rested!

My RAD blog

A head's up to those who are out there- I recently began a blog about dealing with Ethan having RAD. It's at http://myradchild.blogspot.com To read it however, you must be approved. You will need to post stating you wish to be added.

I have never held back in this blog, and I know I have people reading from all over. With the blog about Ethan, I just prefer to keep it to those I approve. So if you are interested in reading, post and let me know, or email me, or go to http://myradchild.blogspot.com and sign in.

Didn't I say I would post more pictures and then I didn't!?!?!? Wow! Life gets busy when my inlaws are here. We tend to keep the roads hot with them. Not that we've gone anywhere else since our wonderful trip to the north shore last week- it's just we tend to be on the run a lot. We have shown them our local scenery too. It's beautiful around here where we live. I am thankful to be here especially in this season of my life!

*** I wrote the above paragraph on the 24th! My inlaws left the next day! We just haven't slowed down much.***

We are fine, just busy with Ethan's situation. We also are recovering from some nasty colds/cough. My fibro is kicking up worse than usual lately, and well, that's life.

Here are some more pictures from our trip to Minnesota's north shore:

My mother in law and me at Gooseberry Falls.

Cala and her Grandpa at the Falls:

Gooseberry Falls is such a peaceful, beautiful place! We visited there on our way up to our motel. That was all on Thursday. I will hopefully (but no promises! ha) post pictures from other days later. Stay tuned....

We had an absolutely wonderful time in Minnesota's North Shore! If you ever get the chance, you must go!!! It's gorgeous! Absolutely beautiful!

We left here Thursday morning around 5:30 a.m. and got back home Saturday evening around 7:00 p.m.

We spent our time driving past miles and miles and miles (and miles!) of Lake Superior, right alongside it. We visited the mountains and stayed two nights in a motel/cabin like place. We spent Friday in Thunder Bay, Ontario, Canada.

We all agree we want to go back to the north shore and spend more time, a week at least. You really could have a great vacation there.

I will post more pictures tomorrow but will leave you with this taken at Lake Superior:

Wow how time has a way of slipping by... just a few short years ago, this precious girl was tiny! She's still small for her age, but to be now in the double digits... it's amazing! I have a TEN year old!? wow....

I remember bringing Cala home and when describing her, we would say she was the joy of our lives. That has proven to be so for all those years now. She is a joy! Oh, she's not without her faults as none of us are (she needs a lesson in how best to share ;o) but many who know her LOVE her!

She enjoyed her birthday by having a girl from church over. Thankfully school was out at 12:30 today and will resume on Monday. This gave Cala a good day of
celebrating.












I know I've mentioned my inlaws are here. Yesterday, we took them to see where we baptized.
Here is Glenn with his Dad:
My father-in-law is from Mississippi. I think he really enjoyed standing out amongst the mighty Mississip- in Minnesota!
It really is a beautiful area out there, and the kids all had a great time.

Here is one that I just love- Brothers....
In the morning, we are leaving to go visit Minnesota's North Shore. I've heard from SEVERAL people how beautiful a drive it is. We are really looking forward to it. We are going to drive into Canada as well. I don't think I'll have net access so I'll check back in here on Saturday night or it may be Sunday before I blog. Either way, pray for us!

We really had a good Lord's day today. Nothing major took place, nothing exciting in the world's eye, but to me, it was a good day.

Please pray for me but especially for Ethan. I've shared in previous posts about his diagnosis of RAD (reactive attachment disorder- I promise, if you do a yahoo or google search with reactive attachment disorder spelled out, you will find what I'm talking about). He needs prayers tonight for peace, and I need prayers tonight to be the best I can be at this new chapter in our lives, this new challenge I am faced with.

We will be do "attachment parenting" but I am the one who will have to be the most committed to this as it is I who the anger, the rage is directed at.

May God help us is my prayer!

Friday

3 months ago today, my Daddy died. Life as I knew it changed that day. I am trying, truly trying to pull out of depression. I would say I'm half way there. I have my good days, my bad days, my terrible days. I don't pretend to know how long that will last. I've been told grief varies from person to person and I am finding that to be completely true. When you add in what I'm going through with Ethan, well, life can be emotionally draining. God is the only one getting me through this all.

On a good note: my inlaws arrived from Florida today. They will be with us until the 25th. We are all excited to have them here!

Tonight, we as a church, along with my inlaws passed out five hundred invitations (to our church!). We did this in 30 minutes flat at the local football game. We under-estimated how many invitations we would need. We now believe 1,000 would have been easy to get out. By the time we were out, the copy store was closed or we would have had more made up.
Pray for us that we will see results from our efforts. We are enjoying getting the word out!

Dates

It was on this date (October 9th, 1993) that I miscarried our first baby. Evan would now be 14 years old. That's incredible to me!

It was on this date 13 weeks ago that my life felt like it stopped when my Daddy died. It will be 3 months tomorrow.

An incredible thought is this- my Daddy knows his grandchildren that he never knew here on earth. I am jealous of him! He knows my children that I never met. Evan would be our oldest- our next baby that I miscarried 10 years later would be younger than Cala AND Ethan.

I can see the ultimate "Romans 8:28 moment" in this- it working for good... without the miscarriages, we wouldn't have our precious children. Of course I long to know them, but can you imagine this?! Heaven is all they've ever known!!!! Wow!

For today, my song playing is called "Glory Baby" by the group, Watermark. It was written after their own miscarriage. An online friend sent it to me many years ago, following my second miscarriage. (Thank you, C.C.).

In 1988, President Ronald Reagan declared October as National Pregnancy and Infant Loss Month. Please take a moment on October 15th to pray for those of us grieving our babies.

This year, at Mother's Day, I received a very special gift. For years now I wanted a way to keep my babies close but of course how was I going to do this?! A ring I decided. This year, Glenn surprised me by having me pick out a ring in memory of Evan and Faith. The inscription of their names are each side... the stones are the birth stones for the months (September for Faith, October for Evan) that they were born into heaven. For that, truly became their birth day! It just so happens that September is a dark blue, and October a pink- so it serves a double purpose of boy and girl. AND no, I truly don't know 100 percent if they were a boy or a girl, two boys or two girls... it's just a feeling I always had.

For the memorial website I made years ago, go to http://www.angelfire.com/blues2/evanfaith

Wednesday

Glenn was in bed most of the day- he had been up all Tuesday night. Tuesday he went to the doctor and it turns out he has a severe ear infection. Wouldn't you know it, it happened as we have a lot to do. His parents arrive Friday!

Keep praying for us. I feel a bit overwhelmed at the moment- emotionally beat up by a boy who doesn't know why he feels the way he does. I've spent a lot of time today documenting the past few days for the therapist. This should help.

Got to get to bed. I am tired and tomorrow promises to be a busy day.

Ethan

Here's Ethan from football practice yesterday evening. If you notice his mouth looking funny, it's because he has a mouth piece (guard) in. He soooo loves football, and will be sad for it to end. (at the end of this month).

Football for Ethan has been a confidence booster- he loves hearing us holler, "go, Ethan go! Get that flag!!!" Or, "Run, Ethan, RUN!" He's super excited the times he actually did get a flag.

Ethan though could use your prayers as could we. You see, he was recently diagnosed with RAD- Reactive Attachment Disorder. I know that many kids are mis-diagnosed, simply labeled, but with Ethan, we have researched and researched and simply knew something was "wrong." Through his therapy sessions we have all (Glenn, me and the therapist) come to the conclusion that it's RAD. Now we continue his therapy (it's in the form of therapeutic play) as well as us educating ourselves all we can on how to best parent the little guy. He needs your prayers! Please pray for me as well as much of his rage is aimed at me. Oh how I long for him to realize how much I actually do LOVE him!

Monday

We had a very busy day! This morning, Glenn, Seth and I rode into the Cities, and by the time we came home, we had 30 minutes before Cala and Ethan got in, and off we went again! This time in the other direction, where we took Ethan to his counseling session. It's been emotionally taxing to get Ethan help, but we know it is well worth it. He needs the help, bless his heart. I just pray for the strength to know how to best parent him.

When we got home, we dropped off Glenn, Cala and Seth, and off went Ethan and me to his football practice!!! Thank you Glenn for cooking supper tonight! What a blessing! (he took care of this while I took Ethan.. we usually all go, but with the therapy session in there today too, there was no time to eat until after practice and we didn't want to wait to cook it on top of that! As it was, we were 7:15 p.m. eating, (we usually eat in between 5 and 6) so I was happy Glenn chose to take care of this and me go to practice.

Once supper was over and everyone was through with their baths, settled all in, you would think I would be ready to collapse. I guess I am, (did I mention I drove all day because Glenn has an ear infection!?!!), but I needed the down time. So, here I sit, soon to go to bed.

Seth showed up an hour ago, scared from a bad dream about their toy box having legs and walking around. Poor thing, he was cute... he said, (while visibly shaking), "I know Ethan is up there with me, and I shouldn't be scared, but I am! I'm scared to look around the room!" He's in bed tonight with us.

Tomorrow- a new day. I really need the music on my playlist right now. It speaks to me.

Scriptures (Sunday Post)

First off: I created a Play list of some songs that mean a lot to me, especially the first one, "Finally Home". If you choose not to listen to them, simply scroll down and on the right you will see my playlist. You can click on the first small button to mute it.

When I was a kid, you could ask me and as long as I can remember, my favorite scripture was John 14:1-4 where it begins, "In my house are many mansions..."

Then as I had things happen, beginning this time of year back in 1991, Romans 8:28 jumped out at me and quickly became the verse that I would cling to (and still do) throughout the years! ("For we know that all things work together for good...")

This morning, (Sunday), during Sunday School, Glenn was teaching and read a verse that in my Bible had another reference to go read. Somehow or another, I happened upon the verse that I have added up there under my blog title- Micah 7:8. It states, "Rejoice not against me, O mine enemy: when I fall, I shall arise; when I sit in darkness, the LORD shall be a light unto me." I have read that over and over and love how it paints a picture of me right now.

As I travel through this journey, this battle with depression, I am not without hope. I realize that I may fall, but I will one day be back on top. I sit in darkness (in depression) at the moment, but at some point, the light will be back in my life. I am confident of that. I wish it was now, and I am trying to climb out. I know though that the hurt I feel at losing my Daddy, at then losing my beloved cousin, at then dealing with the deaths of others, well... that hurt won't always be there. It's real, so very real right now, but I praise Him for the promise that He's still there.

Hanging in....

Thought I would update that I went to the doctor yesterday afternoon. It was time to let her know that the Zoloft she put me on at the end of August was giving me side effects I just don't want to deal with... and so, she has changed me to Paxil. The night time pill (Trazodone) is working really well finally, and so I will stick with it for awhile at least. I am thankful this doctor is the kind that is slow to just give you a pill...but at the same time she realized I needed something and now realized I needed to try something different. I am to return to her in a month to update her how the Paxil is working. As she said, there are fortunately many choices out there that we can try until we find "THE" one.

AND... yesterday my baby man, Seth began a Friday morning pre-school class. He was so thrilled. Back last month, he was screened in accordance to Minnesota state law, that states that all children between ages 3 to 5 must have screening done in order to catch any potential delays. Well, we knew Seth was smart but we were all flabbergasted to learn that if it were possible to begin Kindergarten now, Seth is smart enough to do so!!!!

I home school Seth in pre-school, and every other week, we attend together a parent/child class. This class gives us the opportunity to play together, and then while Seth has snack and then a story, etc., the parents are in a room with a parent teacher. It's really a great time. However, an opportunity arose for Seth to attend this Friday morning class for two hours without me- a regular pre-school class. He is thrilled!!!! Here he is yesterday all ready to leave for his first day.

It was great fun hearing him talk about it when I went to pick him up! He's really something else!

This morning Ethan was whining and kept asking "Setttthhhhhhhh, are you going to play with meeeee?" "Settthhhhhh". Seth replies, "Ethan!!! Do dogs stand up?! NO!"

HA! Where DOES he get this stuff?!

This Day in (terrible) history....

To read more about this day in history back in 1991, read http://minnesota-mama.blogspot.com/2006/10/unforgettable-time-of-year.html which I wrote in 2006. It explains why I always seem to struggle a bit on October 3rd.

Then to read what happened on this date one year ago today, read this post: http://minnesota-mama.blogspot.com/2007/10/life-upside-down.html .

What struck me today was that it is the first October 3rd that I can't call Daddy if I'm sad, or actually he would have called me and said, "I remember what today is and am checking to see how you're doing." He even did that last year even with the news he got on this day!

I always know to prepare something for October 3rd, something to keep my mind occupied. For weeks, Cala and I have had a girls night planned for tonight! Glenn and the boys had a reading program thing to go to for fathers and their kids from ages 3 to 7. Since Cala is older than that, we planned to spend some girl time together. What absolute FUN we had this evening! We were gone from 4:30 to 9:20 or so. The guys left same time as we did, and returned 5 minutes later.

God was really good to me to allow me a day of good things. Yes, there's been tears, and a lot of sadness, but I am thankful tonight for my daughter and how crazy acting she is! (you just have to know her to know how I mean that- she's a comedian). We had a blast!

I absolutely love this time of year! I am so happy with the cooler temperatures. OK! I know that in a few very short weeks, I won't be as thrilled, but for now, it's so nice to walk outside and just feel the coolness. The air just feels clean. It's possible for me to be in the countryside pretty quickly, and it's there that I just feel like I can breathe! I love it.

My grief therapist said I needed to take some mental breaks. What she meant was times like this when I can take a ride to the country, find a pretty spot to stare out for awhile. I have some rides planned in the near future.

I have a doctor's appointment this Friday. Unfortunately, one of my medicines is giving me unwanted side effects and so it looks like it will have to be changed. I am just thankful I have a good doctor (and good insurance).

Last Sunday, we had two visitors at church! It was a college student and his mother. The mother lives in another state, but the student says he will be back. By the way, a couple or three weeks ago we began, as a church, going on visitation. We go door to door handing out invitations to church. Glenn reminded us Sunday night that God is already blessing the effort- although we may not see any of the people we personally invite, God will bless what we do, perhaps with other folks coming as happened Sunday morning.

I appreciate those of you who are out there praying. I emotionally feel like I am in a strange place. I feel as if I am coming a bit out of the darkness, but the darkness is very real and looming, waiting to pull me completely back in. Just keep praying. Oh how I miss those who have recently gone! I just long to talk to my Daddy.... one day. One day.

Just had to post... Shannon has died. (if you can't recall who Shannon is, see my post a few down from this one, entitled, "And so it continues".
They unplugged her life support earlier in the day on Saturday and she died soon after. My Mama called me and said the same thing I was thinking- even though you expected it, you aren't prepared. You know, we felt the same way with my Daddy's death even, and goodness! He had been sick for so long. With Shannon, 26 year old Shannon, it was all such a shock- the accident, the surgeries, the losing her life... shock.

Please pray for Shannon's family. Shannon was dear to us, and her family is aching terribly now.

Just so you know I'm alive...

I didn't want anyone worried that I had fallen off the face of the earth or anything! I'm still here, hanging on, just seem to be so busy that come my normal time on the computer, I'm too beat to worry about it!

Let's see if I can update you a bit....this past Friday morning, Glenn went to see/hear McCain/Palin at a rally. I was jealous, really wanted to go, but for various reasons decided it was best I didn't. Such a good thing I didn't too, since he arrived at 9 and STOOD the entire time until past 12:30. I would have been so paying for that for days.

Friday night, I HAD to attend the local high school football game because Ethan's flag football team was to run on the field during half time. I couldn't miss that! I must add in here that I've always HATED football. Seriously, I couldn't understand it, and just didn't want to learn, period. HOWEVER, Glenn always said if he could just get me to one game I'd be hooked.

Uh.... I CAN'T BELIEVE I'M SAYING THIS!!!!!!..... He was right! I've declared we will be at this Friday's game too! ha haaaaa (it's an away game but not too far away). After all, I feel like we HAVE to redeem ourselves and get the pleasure of rooting for our local team. You see, last week, it was soooo very packed in this football crazy town that there was nary a spot to be found on "our" side, and so... because of there being no possible way I could stand that long, we uh.... sneaked to the opposing team's side and sat down (in the front row none the less!). As we were walking to our spot, someone there said, "you're on the wrong team!" ha You see, Ethan was wearing his flag football uniform shirt which proudly displays our town name, leaving no doubt we weren't fans of this team, rather fans of the home team! ha We sat down and quickly told the kids NOT to cheer because it didn't seem right or respectful to do so when sitting in the midst of the guests. Boy was that hard!

I laughed when a man and woman who found themselves in our same situation came to sit down... she was wearing a hometown team sweatshirt, and covered it up, looked at me and said, "sorry!" I said, "oh, don't worry! We're on the wrong side too!"

During half time, I even ended up talking to the folks behind us! Well, after all, I overheard their conversation and I knew the answers to what they were pondering... couldn't leave them wondering now could I!?

I SOOOOOOOO wanted to jump up and shout with glee when our team won! (and won big!) I didn't, well... at least not until we got out of the bleachers and back into "friendly" territory! ha ha

Yep, I'm hooked alright. Can't believe it, but it's true. Too bad our season is so incredibly short (due to weather).

Saturday, if we were keeping score, Ethan's team won again! He is so happy in football. He and Seth play daily in the house! (practicing their moves- so cute!).

Sunday, we had a nice day of worship.

Today (Monday)- we took Ethan to his practice and he spent much of the time looking back to see if we were watching him! He really loves knowing we are there and proud to be playing!

Looks like another busy week! That's becoming the norm here!

Tomorrow night I will be the parent helper for Cala's Brownies meeting, Wednesday is church, Thursday is our after school club and then church visitation that night. Friday- well, see above post! We are heading to a game!!!!! (and early so we can be on the right side!)

Go team!

Five Years Ago

Five years ago (on September 17th), I miscarried. I can't believe it's been five years already since I lost "Faith".

To read about it, visit http://www.angelfire.com/blues2/evanfaith Click on Memorial to Faith (down at the bottom) and you can read all about that dreadful day.

So many losses lately... today (Wednesday) I thought about my Daddy now being in heaven with my children there. How precious is that?! They've met their Grandpa!

And so it continues....

My heart just continues to ache, not knowing how much more I can stand!!!! This morning, my Mama told me about Brother Burgner, a Pastor who was a long time friend of our family. He died this morning. He had alzheimers but had done really well until recently. He was one of my Daddy's dearest friends and his wife and kids (all older than me!) are like family to us- it was long "the Barkers and the Burgners". This just brings our own grief right back to us- knowing how this family is feeling right now. :o/

Then, within 3 hours or so, my Mama called to tell me about 26 year old Shannon (and Mama of two boys). This is breaking our hearts so badly! Right after midnight, Shannon was driving (alone) and somehow had a car accident... she was pinned under her car until sometime around 9 a.m this morning!!! She was life flighted to the hospital and has a 50/50 chance to make it through the night. Shannon was in our youth group when we worked there in our "home" church in Florida many years ago.

We've known Shannon since her birth and are just aching for her family. We love them all. They have amputated both Shannon's legs... tomorrow they may have to do even more. (that's if Shannon makes it tonight). They are talking of amputating one arm and then she would also be put on dialysis as it looks like her kidneys are failing.

I go to bed tonight very, very sad. PRAY for Shannon please, and the Burgner family as they grieve for their husband/father- and for my family grieving so terribly right now for my cousin and all this other going on. Sad times. Weird times. So glad to have God.

My Cousin

I am heartbroken tonight and so very sad. Grief had hit me terribly bad today concerning my Daddy- funny how it does that, but then tonight... this evening, my cousin died. She was 36 years old and had battled colon cancer for a couple of years. She leaves behind a husband and a 9 year old son. Please, please pray for them!!! Also, remember to pray for her brother, her sister, and her Mom and Dad. My aunt and uncle need your prayers desperately tonight I am sure. No one expects to out live their child.

Julia and I were close. Growing up, their family would travel from their home in South Carolina to our home (our Mamas are sisters) in Florida for Thanksgiving. Julia and I would spend the time laughing, playing, and as we grew, shopping! We had fun, real fun! As we both married, the trips stopped, but any time we were in South Carolina, we were sure to stay with Julia's Mama and Daddy. Julia and her own family would be sure to stop by as often as possible. She and I would hit all the local consignment shops. What wonderful memories I have of this "cuz" of mine. I am sad tonight. So very sad. My heart is there in South Carolina.

I wonder if Julia and her Uncle Junior (my Daddy) have talked yet. I wonder.

The Past Week in Pictures :o)

On Wednesday, September 3rd, Ethan asked Glenn to take off his training wheels. Glenn did, but was really busy at that moment and told him, "Son, I can't help you right now with riding your bike, but you can go try until I can." We really didn't expect what happened next! Ethan took off as if he had been riding forever!!!!!!!! He taught himself to ride his bike!!!!!!

Thursday, September 4th- Ethan started Kindergarten. On the left, here at home before we took him... On the right, at his locker. The picture on Ethan's locker is of a brown boy and his name is there.

He is waaayyy excited to be in Kindergarten but this past week has been a bit trying to him though as he's tired, poor guy.

On the same day that school started for Cala, on September 2nd, I began Seth in pre-school here at the house. We did a little work last year, but this year he is really into doing school! Here he is hard at work on an art project.

Friday, September 5th- Cala had me paint her face in support of the high school football team. It appears each Friday will be Spirit Day from Cala's school on up, and so, she is to wear school colors if she wants. Of course Cala wants! ha She plans to paint her face every Friday. Now, I've got to say I'm proud of her for one thing... I asked if anyone else painted their face and she said, "No, but I like to be different. What fun is it to be like everyone else?!" I certainly hope she keeps that attitude throughout her life!

Sunday, the 7th- We celebrated our Homecoming at our church. Seth is shown here in our garage where we came back and ate together. We enjoyed that day so much! We had seven visitors which is good! We pray they will return as well as we pray especially for their salvation!

Monday, September 8th- Seth's 3rd Family Day celebrating him being with us for 3 years! (and yes that's a Father's Day bag! ha ha) We gave him a Diego book that had Spanish and English in it. (this way somewhat celebrating his heritage).

On that same Monday night, Ethan had his first flag football practice. I will post pictures tomorrow from his first game.

So, after Monday what did we do?! It seems like we didn't slow down a bit until Thursday when for once nothing was on our schedule!!!!

Tonight Glenn, Cala and Ethan attended the high school game. "We" won! Seth and I enjoyed the couple of hours together. Of course he had plans for Mama. We played and we played and we played. It's tiring work being 3 years old!!!

Catch you tomorrow.......

I will try my best to post tomorrow, I realize I haven't posted now in several days. I have plenty to catch you up on, just haven't posted. For today though, let us not forget the families changed forever, seven years ago today. May God comfort each one of them!

Third Grade

As is our first day of school tradition, Papa (Glenn) made omelets for us all. (this year, it was ham and cheese, and we also had toast).
And here she is at the front door, off to her first day of Third Grade! I can hardly believe it.

She's had two really good days.

She came home yesterday, having already made a new "friend." She was also very happy that she got to eat lunch "like highschoolers-you can eat with whoever you want, Mama!" and so, she sat with almost the entire class from last year! ha They missed each other.

Tomorrow it's Ethan's turn for his first day of Kindergarten. I'll post pictures then!
He's waaaayyyy excited!!!!!!!!

I am having a rough time tonight. We've had a full day and tomorrow is Cala's first day of school. (3rd grade). This is a full week for sure.

Please just pray for me. I have had a panic attack tonight. I just want to call my Daddy.

Update on going to the doctor: I am glad I called! They had an appointment open today, so I went this afternoon. She has given me a couple of medicines that will hopefully help me with all that's going on!

Last night, I found a knot close to my right temple- near my ear. At this point, the doctor wants to just watch it and if nothing changes, all is fine. If it gets bigger, we will try antibiotics to bring it down and if that doesn't work, an ultrasound would be next. Please do pray about this. Of course it concerns me a bit.

Tonight we really had a nice time. We went to a cook-out, or "barbecue" as it is called here. It was a good time of fellowship. Now I have to say that last year, around this time, was the first time Glenn and I had ever tried brats. Glenn liked them, and I did not. Tonight Glenn raved about how good these were (Johnsonville) and I tried one and sure enough loved it too! Beats any hot dog! Funny thing is last year the ones we tried were the same brand, but who knows- maybe we had a bad package?!

Tomorrow we clean...maybe, just maybe I'll get out to some yard sales, but I sort of doubt it. It never hurts to stay in once in awhile.

Today was both Ethan's appointment with a counselor and mine with a grief counselor. The appointments went as well as those types of things can go). I am forever grateful that we have insurance that will cover these appointments for us.

I for one am super glad I have this counselor to talk to- I tell you, it's amazing to me sometimes how I will be thinking, "what am I going to talk about today?" and then bam! I walk in, and it all pours out. She also asked me to go ahead and make a doctor's appointment (medical doctor). I know I need to- due to lack of sleep (haven't slept a complete night since Daddy's death!!!). I will call tomorrow. (If I don't post tomorrow night that I have called, PLEASE post in the comments section reminding me to do so! No joke!). I realize I should have called before now, but honestly, when you are depressed, down from so much grief, your mind doesn't function near as well as it should.

As for Ethan, his counselor asked that we bring him back no more than 2 weeks apart. This is so he is on a set schedule of going to her. I believe we are close to a diagnosis that while we expected it, we fear it, but know we can learn to deal with it, and work with it. Just pray for us and especially for Ethan. What a precious child.

Today has been a full day but a "good" one over all. Here's hoping I sleep.

My heart is breaking once again... the cousin with whom I was the closest, is dying of colon cancer. Hospice has been called in. She's just 36 years old, married and has a 9 year old son. Please pray for my cousin, and her entire family. Such sadness. We knew she was not doing very well, and I am forever grateful that when we were in South Carolina for my Daddy's second funeral (and burial), that we went and visited this cousin. I am so glad of that.

When my Mama called last night to tell me about the progression of my cousin's cancer, well... I cried and cried and cried. I cried so much Cala come from her room, thinking I was sad because of "Grandpa". I explained a little to her and sent her back to bed.

I just really need your prayers- for this cousin and her family.

So There I Sat....

This summer, we have held a Backyard Bible Club in our back yard (where else!? lol) twice a month on Tuesdays. Tomorrow will be the last for this year. We have had some kids come and certainly hope to build upon that next summer!

This afternoon, a girl in our neighborhood was over and Cala invited her to the club tomorrow. She sounded very excited to come and mentioned it to me a few times throughout the day! It really did my heart good, and yes, I know she may very well not show up tomorrow, but I so pray she does!

At one point today, there were 13 kids *(including two of mine) in our garage! They were here playing and getting a little rowdy. I told Cala to go get them all a freeze pop and sure enough, worked like a charm! I invited these kids to come tomorrow and what a blessing it would be to see some show up. I know it would also encourage the lady in our church that heads up the BBC (Backyard Bible Club).

I really want to be that house where the neighborhood kids feel welcomed, where they want to come. I want them to see a difference here and learn why we don't say certain words or phrases (that we certainly will have to remind some not to use here). I got excited today thinking about how I want this to be so, and that slowly it seems to be happening.

Side Note: I have called my dog, "the evangelist dog" as through her running away, we have now met two households and invited them to church. One time was soon after we got Zima. We walked all around and I found her in a neighborhood yard. I got to talk with the mother there. The other time was the girl I mentioned at the beginning of this post. Cala met her the last time Zima got loose when the girl saw Cala looking for the dog and realized she was right close to her home. And now, we have invited this girl to the club and to church. Therefore, Zima is my evangelist dog! ha

I was happy today and wanted to call Daddy. I actually thought, "I need to call Daddy and tell him about all these kids and to pray that they come to the club and to church!" And then it hit me. I can't call him. Daddy has direct access to the Father- how incredible is that!!!!!!! (and yes, I know we have direct access to through prayer, but you know what I mean!). Ok, so I think if there was a bus load getting up for heaven tonight, (and we wouldn't be coming back) I wouldn't offer to be on that bus... I am human! (gasp) I just know that with Daddy's dying, I am closer to the point of wanting to be at that bus stop. I miss him. No other word for it but a deep missing- a part of my puzzle is gone. That piece you search for but can't find.
I had this deep realization today and there I sat. I sat thinking how hard it actually is sometimes to REMEMBER that I can't call Daddy. That's just so strange. Wonder when that will change?!

And here I sit... hoping to sleep tonight... hoping I'll have a dream of Daddy again soon like a few nights ago when I had the only dream I've had of him since his death- and it was totally silly!!!!!! I was wearing two of his shirts together and there he sat in a corner. He said, "They couldn't find you any better shirt than that since I died?!" HAAAAAA

Exhausted but had a really, really nice day. We left this morning at 9:30 and just got in at 7 p.m. ! We've been several places looking at various things, bought Glenn some jeans on sale, and other stuff we needed.

We also bought two apple trees! (yes, apple trees!)We are excited about those! (McIntosh and Golden Delicious).

We were really wanting two other Minnesota varieties, but they were out of all those- Honey Crisp and Sweet Sixteen. (the Honey Crisp are our favorites! We had never heard of Sweet Sixteen until today).

And that was basically going to be my post until this: while I am typing this blog, 9 year old Cala is on the phone to her grandparents. She just told her Grandpa: "Grandpa, I wish you didn't have to work so much (he's a welder and works long hours). You should work at Wal-mart. That's where old people work!"

Oh my! I NEVER know what will come out of her mouth! ha She's precious....

Friday

The happiest news I can share is that my Mama is o.k. I realize I never even shared that she was going in today (Friday) for a colonoscopy. I had planned to post that last night in hopes that ya'll would pray for her. However, I went to bed hoping I could sleep, and forgot all about my blog!

I am just thrilled that the doc said Mama doesn't have to worry about colon cancer! That's a major relief for us all. (she has colon trouble- has for years).

I think if we were all honest, it has been on our minds. The what ifs in life can really get you. They can make you worry needlessly, but after all, we just lost Daddy. The thought of something being wrong with any of us right now is just overwhelming. Yes! We praise the Lord for His goodness in allowing Mama to be o.k. To the left, you will see a picture of my Mama and my daughter. Cala calls her Grandma her partner.

Baptism locale

The baptism Sunday- look how low the Mississippi River has gotten around here! It was sad really. The area though is absolutely beautiful and what a precious time we had out there for this baptism!

The Lord is good!




I realize I haven't posted a picture of my kids in awhile, and so here they are! This was taken a few days before the baptism when we were looking for the place! You can tell a little from the background how beautiful it is out there. I definitely want to take the kids back with nice clothes on and pose them for pictures.

I keep getting responses from people (through email) about how big Ethan has gotten, but I honestly think it's just the angle of this picture! ha. He's honestly not as close to Cala in height as he appears here.

Tonight the kids decided to do some wrestling. Cala won the gold medal for Russia! (yes, they are way into the olympics :o)

3 a.m.

So it's 3 a.m. I haven't even been to bed. I fell asleep for about 20 minutes while Glenn and I were watching an Alfred Hitchcock movie (which we've been doing nightly right lately). That was much much earlier though- we started the movie at 9 p.m.

This has sooo got to change! I have too much to do as a wife, a Pastor's wife at that, a mother, (to kids ages 9, 5, and 3 at that!) to not be getting sleep! I am seriously thinking now of doing what I was avoiding- going into the doctor to ask for some help.

Weird thing is I really emotionally have had 2 pretty good days! I haven't posted here since Friday I noticed so let me update:

Saturday was our normal big cleaning day. However, Saturday morning, I took all 3 kids with me to yard sales and then on to Wal-mart. This gave Glenn some much needed alone time to study more for Sunday, etc. I was thrilled that it went so well- the kids really behaved well and we all had a good time together!!!!

Sunday we had our first baptism here. That was so very special, and we baptized in a beautiful location, in the Mississippi River! We ate Sunday dinner with the family of the girl we baptized and really had a nice time of fellowship. What a blessing!

Yesterday (Monday), we did our typical Monday thing of taking it easy, recuperating from Sunday! I did a few loads of washing, the kids spent a lot of time playing outside (well I should say Cala was outside most of the day! Ethan was out part of the day, and Seth- well, Seth goes out for a little while at a time, comes back in because "I'm hot!"). They all three looked like a ton of dirt fell off in their baths at night! ha

I will try remembering to post some pictures later on from the past few days. For quite some time now the computer wasn't letting me upload from my memory stick but hallelujah it worked on Sunday! So, I'll upload some here soon! Stay tuned...

Friday

What a full day! I am tired and hope I can sleep tonight. That would be a change!

This morning, Ethan and I had somewhere to go about 30 minutes from here so off we went. Got that taken care of and Glenn and I dropped the kids off with a church family and went to my therapy appointment. After that, we ate lunch together, came back, got the kids, headed to a couple of yard sales, to Home Depot (to look at the price of fences... we really would love to fence in our back yard!)... then to Super Target.

While at Target, we bought a vacuum cleaner. We have no luck with vacuums- sometime I will explain, but we bought a new one tonight. Got home, used said vacuum (Glenn did- I am highly allergic to vacuuming- no joke! love vacuuming but can't.) (Isn't vacuum a funny looking word?!) .... The belt broke on said vacuum and off Cala and I go back 9 miles to Target to pick a new one up... bought one for an old vacuum and sure enough it now works too. It's not a really good vacuum- the handle is broken, but we will now have an upstairs vacuum and a downstairs one. It's nice. Our new vacuum seems to do really well! I was amazed and disgusted by the dirt it got up.

Friday nights we have family night, and tonight was Ethan's turn to choose everything. Before bed, the kids helped in cleaning upstairs and re-arranging the furniture.

Cala and I are off to yard sales tomorrow morning... possibly taking the boys too, not completely decided yet. Lots to take care of tomorrow. Goodnight!