A great Christmas!

Due to the mental issues that Ethan has and the ADHD and Fetal Alcohol Effects that Cala has, we decided to do Christmas differently this year. Glenn and I had discussed how we could handle our gift giving and came up with the idea of spacing it out throughout the day, mixed in with other things.

Glenn ended up making us a schedule for the day, having each hour planned. We began the morning with what Santa brought the kids, then all crawled in our bed to watch a Christmas cartoon. We ate breakfast then opened another gift, watched another cartoon, gift, play time with gifts, etc. etc. throughout the day. It really, really helped the day to go so much better than we anticipated!!! The kids had been so very overwhelmed prior to Christmas, just thinking about it being so near.

Sure, Ethan had a couple of rages in there yesterday but they were so minor that we don't even think about them really. He did really well.

Today may be terrible, who knows?! (they're not yet up), but yesterday was a wonderful memory I believe we will all treasure!

Christmas Eve Eve and other things...

Through the years, we have tried to have many traditions for our kids... I want them to be able to look back and remember all the fun we had.

December 23rd (as I type) is a night we call Christmas Eve Eve and is special to us all. We let the kids stay up as long as they want and we watch Christmas movies (currently watching Santa Clause 3 as I type this). We all have new pajamas that we get to wear for the first time on this night.

We actually started this before we ever had Cala! Back then, when we began it, we lived in Russia, and we basically just stayed up really late, watched movies and played games. Cala came and we began camping out in our living room. Now, the boys are here, we live in Minnesota, and tonight... we are camping out in our room! This is a first.

We are also under a Winter Storm Warning--- the snow is falling heavily and not supposed to stop until sometime Saturday morning. I love it!

Tonight (Tuesday), Cala and I were responsible for the presentation at Girl Scouts. We chose the badge work for "World Neighbors". We chose that one since we were at least knowledgeable about some of it- different cultures, different languages. It turned out to be fun. You know, I really don't mind speaking in front of groups, but am always so glad when it's over.

Cala had them rolling in the aisles at one point. She is such a character!

I took Cala by McDonald's on the way home to get her a hot fudge sundae (with extra nuts of course- the girl has good taste!). That made her night I think.

This was one of those nights when I was especially glad to not have far to drive! We are under a Winter storm warning through Wednesday night. It's really been coming down out there and the wind is howling. Winter has finally arrived.

Thanks to those who prayed for me last night. I had a nightmare about my Daddy... strange. I am SO very glad I know it's not true and not possible. It's great to know that Daddy is not suffering... it just doesn't take away the missing him.

Are you there?

I don't even know if anyone is reading anymore... so if you're there, it would be nice to hear from you. I sort of let things go here... been sick for so long... it's been hard to get myself going again.

Tonight though, I just felt the need to sit down and write somewhere. I miss my Daddy so very much!!! I know it must be because of Christmas coming, and Thanksgiving just past, but whatever reason... oh how I long to see him! I long to have him hold me as he did when I was a child, and even as an adult, I would sit as close to him as I could and he would put his arms around me, or I would lay my head on his stomach... and all seemed right in the world... at least for that moment.

I know that my Daddy couldn't fix the stuff I'm going through right now, but somehow, I feel if I could just talk to him, it would all seem o.k. Not fixed 100 percent, but better.

Sigh...

I can truly say I am sick and tired of being sick and tired! After Seth got over his bout of sickness, I came down with something that has knocked me out for the count it seems! I literally was sick the ENTIRE month of October! I am still not over this mess and will be calling the doctor tomorrow. When I went to the doctor a couple of weeks ago, I had a fever that had gone to 103.3 that morning. By the following evening, it spiked to 104. It was the middle of the night and yes, I should have probably went to the ER. You can get even sicker in the hospital and so we tried keeping me out, and so far, so good.

With my children having the problems they do, I know that mentally for them, it's much better that I have been right here. (even though I have been confined to my room for days).

Today, I finally tried getting out... feels like a big mistake, even though I enjoyed being out of my cage! ha

When I went to the doctor, she said I was at the beginning of pneumonia. We had caught it. Yet, I have coughed and coughed and coughed and am still sooooo very tired. I have other concerning symptoms that are lingering and so, I will call her again tomorrow.

Pray for me.

Seth and the Swine flu

I meant to get on here and ask for prayer... it's been crazy around here... Glenn, Seth and I all got sick about 3 weeks ago now with the dreaded swine flu. Glenn and I were to the place that we slept, slept, slept, would decide who could better crawl up the stairs to get things started for supper, and usually ended up there together to take care of it as a team. In the mornings, Cala was a major blessing! (and in the evenings too really).

Seth however, didn't get the flu as full blown as us...last week, Cala was sick in the same way Seth had been... fever, some aches, but nothing nearly as major as Glenn and I had been. (she was able to go back to school yesterday).

Seth however, got the full blown flu by last Thursday, and by Friday was also complaining of an ear ache.

Yesterday, I got him into the doctor who said not only was he dealing with the swine flu as we all had been, but Seth also was had an infection in BOTH ears!

The doctor instructed me on how many ounces per hour to get down Seth (he wasn't drinking OR eating!) and if he didn't drink enough, by the following evening (Tuesday), we would need to have Seth admitted to the hospital!!!

SO, Monday afternoon, I got on facebook and my email and let the internet world know of our need for prayer!

Then came Tuesday (yesterday).... Seth actually woke up withOUT a fever! (it was 102 in the doctor's office). We could tell he was feeling better, was back to talking (which he had totally stopped before except for a grunt here and there), and even ate a few bites!

By evening, the fever was back but we did manage to get him to drink some. He still has a long ways to go.... is a very sick little boy, but we praise the Lord that we met the doctor's goal of keeping him out of the hospital.

Please continue to pray for Seth and for the rest of us... we feel trapped by this flu... Seth is still contagious. (until we can get his fever gone for 24 hours without the use of medicine).

Oh, and pray that Cala will just by-pass getting it full blown and that Ethan will stay healthy. Strangely enough, not even a sniffle has he dealt with!!!

The last few days...

Ethan has had some much better days lately! We PRAISE THE LORD for that! Yes, we Baptists can be found shoutin' on days like these... after living with the rages, the violence, the chaos, and all that ensues... well, when you have a bit of a break, you suddenly feel like you can breathe if just for a bit.

I personally praise the Lord for the opportunity to spend time with Ethan, alone time, yesterday (Tuesday). Due to the flu, Cala was home all week from school (fall break began today at 12:30), and she and Seth both were taking a nap. I mentioned to Glenn that I would love to "break the rules" (the one that states me and Ethan should never be alone due to his violence aimed at me), and just take Ethan with me to Wal-mart. I needed to go get a few things and would love to let him go. We thought about it, talked about it, and we decided for me to try it. With cell phone all charged and ready to go, off we went.

When I first mentioned to Ethan we were going, he said, "but I'm not supposed to be alone with you, remember?" I told him I thought we would be fine and if he began feeling angry to let me know. He was excited to be going!

I got online and posted to some friends to please pray about this while we were gone. I so desperately wanted some time with my oldest son. I get lots of time with my baby son (age 4) and am completely smitten with him! (he knows it too!) However, with Ethan... well, I love that little boy so much and just needed to have time with him. I wanted to see the sweet Ethan again.

We talked, and we talked, and we talked and we talked!!! (Ethan is a MAJOR talker!). He walked next to me as I rode an electric cart, he helped me reach for things when I needed it and lots of people smiled at him along the way. He was in a great mood. We went to look at toys and wrote down prices for things the kids have said they are interested in. We picked out a gift for Cala's birthday from her brothers and off we went. I stopped to call Glenn about something and looked over to see the change in Ethan's eyes. I wish I had this on film, or in a picture. (actually, I think I might somewhere). There is just an obvious change in Ethan's eyes when a rage takes place.

I asked, "Ethan, what's wrong?" He was sitting down on a shelf below the ironing boards. (for you details people like me- I was buying clothes hangers).... Ethan responded, "I'm starting to get angry, so I'm sitting down." HALLELUJAH!!! No, not hallelujah that he was getting angry, but HALLELUJAH! PRAISE YE THE LORD! that Ethan himself recognized it!!!! That's a first, and a major first!!! I hope there's many more times like that- more times that he can realize what's happening and sit to calm himself. I stayed put for awhile and asked him if he was ready, and off we went in a few minutes.

This was one of those times lately, when we can not look back and find ANY reason for him to get upset... I can assume he may just realize he's bonding more with me and it scares him.... he wants to push back, like , "oops... I can't let Mama love me." That breaks my heart, but I will just grab on for now to this accomplishment and be thankful for my time at Wal-mart with my son, my precious son!

:o): Dates

:o): Dates

The post from last year is better than I could say it again. So, I will just leave the link to that.

This flu has been rough! I am so ready to be over this. Thank the Lord, Glenn is doing much better. I am having a harder time getting over it... that's typical though for me! My immune system is down.

Anyway... about Ethan... over the past couple of days, the Lord has sure been gracious in allowing Ethan to have "good days".... oh a good day doesn't mean there's not major defiance, but it means there wasn't a big huge rage... no violence... I'll take a hold of that and hang on!

Right now, however, as I type this, he is in a "mood". This morning, he spit out his medicine (I only found this out this afternoon).... he was in a rush to get out the door, and I gave it to him.. we ALWAYS check his mouth to be sure he takes it, but there was no time this morning. Turns out... he spit it out.
***
A few minutes after I wrote the above, Ethan went into a full blown rage... I am never alone with Ethan, but Glenn HAD no choice but to go on to Wal-mart and Ethan had to stay in order to get ready for football tonight.

Long story short... Ethan kicked me in the stomach while I was trying to keep him in a hold. I said, "stop Ethan" but it continued. (we were in my bed). To say it hurt is an understatement.

He took off his football uniform and stripped to his underwear, threw his clothes and said he wasn't going anywhere. After Glenn got in and got him to get ready, off they went. There will be a consequence this evening... just have to think of it.

I may have mentioned before, but consequences, punishments, they do nothing for Ethan... they are more about letting our other two kids know that Ethan is not "getting by" with this behavior.

This morning was one of those times that I am not sure how Cala and Ethan made it to the bus on time! It had to be God! Ethan had a rage this morning and that set the tone for the day.

Once the oldest two were securely on the bus, the other three of us lazed around. We are all so sick! (us and Seth). Glenn said I should go ahead and see about getting into the doctor's office for all three of us... so I called. The receptionist said that all calls like this are being directed to the nurse's phone as they are swamped with such calls. So swamped the nurse said, that they are simply saying not to come in, they can tell by the symptoms it's the flu... that more than likely, it's the H1N1 (swine flu).... and that if we came in, there's really nothing they can do, so she would tell me what they suggest... which of course is REST REST REST! She said to get plenty of fluids (Gatorade included), not to get out in the public, etc.

So thankful am I for our church members who went to Wal-mart for us on Sunday afternoon... however, I knew they were busy today with homeschool, etc. and we had quite a bit of stuff to buy... this flu caught us at a time when we really were low on supplies. SO, off to Wal-mart we went! Trying to be considerate of the general public, I covered up as much as I could.... we bought everything we could think of as a necessity so we won't possibly have to go back this week.

We noticed we were running late, but praise the Lord, we pulled up to our home when Cala and Ethan were walking up to the door! It was raining, so I was worried about them just standing out in it.

It took about 10 minutes of being home, and Ethan was at it. I got punched in the arm, Cala got hit in the back (remember she has Scoliosis!) and Ethan was just miserable you could tell screaming, crying, raging! It was pitiful.

I put Ethan in a wrestling hold (at least it seemed), on our bed and at long last he slept. Thank you Lord he slept!

I'm exhausted tonight!

Rough Day

I don't know that I can sufficiently describe this day- Sunday... other than to say, it was rough. Ethan was in such a strange, terrible state... we almost took him to the hospital. Yesterday was much the same.

Glenn and I (and Seth) are dealing with what feels like the flu. Whatever it is, we are sick. It adds to the stress of dealing with Ethan's rages. Yesterday, he started screaming in the middle of a rage, quite differently than ever before. We tried everything and decided to try our best to get him to fall asleep for a nap. I called my Mama and Glenn's parents and simply said, "can't talk now... pray!" They know by now what that means. They could hear Ethan in the background screaming. Ethan screamed at one point, "MAMA!!! Do you LOVE ME?!" I was heartbroken. He was crying, and I got on the floor, crawled to where he lay, rubbed his little ankles and feet and sang. I had no voice before it, but I tell you, God let me sing! Seth helped me...

Ethan loves the hymns, "Higher Ground" and "Come and Dine" and so we sang those as well as many others! Ethan mouthed a couple of words of "Come and Dine" and fell asleep. Praise the Lord!

We need peace in the house. Tonight, after such a rough day, we were reading the Bible, singing some songs, and the three kids sang beautifully together. They started getting silly and it was just great to see Ethan let loose like that. (and the other two as they put up with so much).

Called Crisis Intervention :o(

This afternoon got so rough with Ethan, that I finally called the C.I. team (Crisis Intervention). We keep their number on our refrigerator, have had it there for months now and I just hesitated to ever get them involved... I don't know... with every person we get "on board", it just feels like failure... I KNOW it's not our fault (nor is it Ethan's), but it's hard to get to the place to have to call in the "big guns".

They can't physically do anything, but can come in and de-escalate the situation, or at least try to. Ethan had calmed down by the time they got here (unfortunately, they are a ways away), but they came in and talked to him a bit... they stayed here nearly 2 hours and we signed paperwork allowing them to contact Ethan's "people" as they said... (his counselors, etc.).

At least, we can call the CI team if we are at our wit's end and feel the need to get ideas on what to try... The problem is that Ethan has become more and more violent lately.

After they left, we ate supper and within 30 more minutes, he was at it again. This time, he shoved me. It sent pain throughout my left arm and hand (I deal with chronic pain already).

All was well by bed time. We'll see how it goes tomorrow. The CI team will be back over the weekend (so I assume tomorrow afternoon).

Dealing with mental illness is just not fun. My six year old son should not have to deal with so much! I just ache for him... Glenn and I just ache for him so very much!!! We are heartbroken for him... If our mind is on overload from seeing him like this, what must HE be going through? :o(

Today was a rough, rough day. Ethan came home this afternoon from school and within two minutes everything went haywire... it continued until church time and only ended then because Glenn insisted that he go to sleep during church. It began again when he woke up.

Please pray! Things have escalated lately and he's going through medicine changes to see what will work. PRAY! It's what gets us through.

A LONG post about the building....

This is for you very detail oriented people, like ME :o)

And for you who don't have a clue what I'm talking about (if you're not on facebook with me....) ...we've been interested in a church building we recently found out about. It's on the National Register of Historic places as it was built in 1860... This is the account of us going with a realtor yesterday to see the inside :o) ...

It was a crisp, (fall) evening as we pulled up to the building. The temperature was 66. That's actually warmer than is usual for this time of year. It felt good!

The building itself is in need of a good coat of paint. I can't imagine why it was left this way outside by the former congregation, but perhaps they were older, small, and had no money... I don't know... it just really seemed a shame to me.

We were there 10 minutes earlier than the realtors, a husband and wife team. Once they arrived, we did the traditional Minnesota thing of not only introducing ourselves, but talking about where we live, "do you know so and so? He's related to ol' so and so"....etc. Before long, you begin wondering, "why were here in the first place?" and "when are we ever going inside?!" ha ha

We were led around to the side, and entered through what we thought could be a "prophet's chamber". We were told that an addictions group of some sort had been meeting there. (a year ago or so and they left their stuff). Striking is the fact that after being told an "ADDICTIONS" group was meeting there, the first box I see is that of Vodka! (filled with books, etc. but a Vodka box ).

The realtors, who were super nice by the way, made us a path to the sanctuary as the house part is filled with SO MUCH stuff! We quickly realize that the house part is not in good shape and at best needs lots of work. Being assured that the sanctuary is in great condition, we press on. Anxious to get there, we turn sideways through the boxes (did I say LOTS of boxes?!) and make it to "the promised land". The sanctuary itself IS indeed in great shape! It's been remodeled and is really nice. I quickly asked if I could take pictures and begin doing so. I sat on a pew, and as a person of much girth (that means "heavy!") can tell you that indeed the pews are structurally sound, sister. They are comfortable and have red padding on the bottom part. The carpet is a tannish, brownish type, and appears to be in good condition as well. The "stage area has a place, a cut out place where you would think a baptistry could eventually go. (however, the Mississippi River is so close by that it's really not a problem at least during the summer). Shall we gather at the river?

As I sat down, I noticed the extremely tall windows and began wondering about the history of this building. I would certainly LOVE to read it! "If these walls could talk?" I could imagine business meetings of days gone by, and horses and buggies waiting outside.

I got up to join the others with the rest of the tour. There is a "cry room" or small nursery and it's complete with a rocking chair, toys on the floor, and a crib. In the foyer, (vestibule) is a coat rack which is a nice feature in this climate, and a small table. We were led downstairs to a large room which would be a fellowship hall. The sister in our church and I were imagining how many children we could get in there for meetings! We noticed a Sunday School room that is spacious and sort of connects (strangely) to the kitchen. There is a place where we could divide the room. There is also another long Sunday School room, making it possible to have 3 rooms for Sunday School downstairs.

The kitchen currently has turquoise colored cabinets (that color would HAVE to go! ha) and comes with a stove. (which would probably need to be replaced). Glenn and the brother from our church inspected the furnace area and I kept the kids back and began taking more pictures. There are stairs from down there that lead back up to the door from which we originally entered (the house area). Not wanting to huff and puff in public from the "high tailing it" up the stairs, I made my way back up to the sanctuary. I also wanted to take more pictures and just sit and think !

Soon, I was joined by the others and we talked some more about all we had seen.

The realtor lady informed us she would go make a bigger path for us back through the maze of boxes and off we went. After making it half way back through, the realtor man took the men upstairs in the house area. When they returned, we went on outside and talked some more.

It didn't take long before I decided to take my boys to the truck (Cala was not with us- as it was the first Girl Scouts meeting of the season), and I excused myself to do so. I stood outside the truck and took a picture or two, and saw a nice looking couple with a stroller in tow, out for a family walk. I heard the man say, "ah, maybe they will buy it!" and he promptly waved at me. I waved back of course and thought, "yes, maybe we will." I took a picture of the steeple area, where a bell once was, and heard the realtors say that the previous church took the bell with them. We were then told the story of a 69 year old woman (some years ago now) who had gone to church there as a child and had been back in the area and wanted to ring the bell once more.... so she climbed up there, broke through a 60 something year old plus window to get to the bell!!!

It wasn't long that we were all in our vehicles and back on the road home. (10 miles from us). Of course we could not quit talking about it, what we thought, what we envision, etc.

We went by our church members' home and Glenn discussed it a bit with the man as he is more knowledgeable in wiring, etc. etc. They talked about how much they thought it would take to get the place really ready... you know, 'if money weren't an issue' do you think it would be worth it? The answer is yes. We all seem to be feeling that.

We will talk more tonight at church and have special prayer concerning it. Of course we all know that if God wants us to have this place, HE will provide for it. If not, He has some place else in mind. We just want what He wants, and we want a permanent (at least for now :o) home for the church.

Never a dull moment here in our home. Yesterday was Ethan's turn to head to the ER. At a Flag Football clinic put on by the local high school coaches and team, Ethan was playing a scrimmage game. A little boy tripped, landing his tooth in Ethan's head. It caused it to bleed a bit and the bump was terribly swollen by the time Glenn and Ethan got home.

I called the nurse helpline, and it was determined we should take him to the ER, due to teeth having so much bacteria. Glenn and Ethan headed there, and all ended well. They cleaned up the spot and prescribed antibiotics just to be on the safe side, against infection.

Today at church, we had a great day... a really sweet spirit... tonight, after Glenn's sermon, we had a testimony time, and thanksgiving to God. Following the service, we celebrated a young member's 12th birthday. It was a really nice day!

Ready to take on this week :o)

Faith Nadezhda

Remembering tonight that it was 6 years ago today that I miscarried a baby. We were living in Russia. I felt awful that morning and had NO clue what was happening. I began thinking I was having some sort of heart problems and as we did back then, looked it up on Web MD. It took a few hours and I knew- I miscarried.

I was heartbroken (didn't even know I was pregnant!) and throughout the sadness and grieving that followed, I kept feeling like the Lord was speaking to me, "Faith... Faith" And thus, to me, that baby is known as Faith Nadezhda. Nadezhda is Russian for "Hope". I just KNEW we would have more children one day.... I never imagined they would come in the form of boys from Latin America :o)

Faith would be in the midst of Kindergarten now, but you know what? We wouldn't know Seth. (or Ethan more than likely). I am a firm believer in Romans 8:28, that all things work together for good.... Faith is in Heaven with "Evan" (the baby I miscarried back in 1993) and so sweet is the thought to me that those babies know their Grandpa. It's fitting too! You see, a story for another time, but my Daddy actually found out I was pregnant the first time before I did! HA. Fitting that he got to meet Evan first.

FASD AWARENESS

Wednesday was FASD (Fetal Alcohol Spectrum Disorders) Awareness Day. I kept meaning to post then, but never got the chance.

As a Mama to a 10 year old girl affected by FAE (Fetal Alcohol Effects, or ARND as it is now sometimes referred to), I wanted to cause attention to this day.

FAS/FAE is totally 100 percent preventable!!!! Simply don't drink! (especially not while pregnant!).

One of these days I will post in more details what Cala must deal with due to FAE.

Praying tonight for the countless babies affected by alcohol.

Headache is gone.

So what has happened that I haven't yet updated since August 14th?! Surely, my migraine is gone! Yes, it is. I think Facebook sort of took over! Sorry 'bout dat to all you non-facebookers. I will try my best to do better.

I know one thing, I have GOT to get to bed earlier. Right lately, I have reverted to my old night owl ways and can't seem to get to sleep earlier than 2:00 a.m.! You don't even want to know what time it is as I type this! I keep avoiding the clock!

In the morning, Cala and I will head to Wal-mart, pick up some groceries and head home for Labor Day- a day we will spend organizing some stuff in the house, getting ready for the kids' school beginning- with that comes a new household schedule and routine.

In the evening, we are planning a family picnic. I really look forward to that. I love picnics! I especially do since Glenn bought me a traditional picnic basket. :o)

I suffered with a migraine all day Thursday, but when it came time to go to Cala's soccer game, I went anyway. It was such a good game of back and forth, but Cala's team whipped the other one - 8 to 2!!! Yay!!!

My inlaws arrive at 3 in the afternoon. We are all looking forward to them being here for the next two weeks. They are great people.

It's been rough living with Ethan the last few days. Having a son with a mental illness is not easy... not in the least, and yet, press on we must! I love my son sooo very much, just wish he could see that too. sigh....

This week- On Monday morning, I went to trade my C-Pap for a Bi-Pap. Let's see how the added oxygen does....

Seth and I went to lunch at Perkin's. It was a last minute decision as to where we were really going! He kept changing his mind! It was quite funny... first it was a pizza place, then it was Culver's (*a burger chain in the mid-west), then it was Applebee's, Buffalo Wild Wings, Chinese buffet, he kept going back and forth on all the choices, and at long last... we ended up at Perkin's... he ordered pizza! ha

Seth and I then went to Target and Wal-mart where we finished his back to school shopping. I took Cala out last week to finish hers. Glenn and I together, will take Ethan out next week.

Tuesday- In the evening, we went to Cala's Soccer game. It was her team's first loss.

Wednesday- we have a full day! Two appointments in the morning, Cala starts physical therapy in the afternoon, church at night.

Thursday- we will spend getting things ready for the inlaw's arrival.

Friday- my inlaws get here from Florida. They'll be here two weeks. We can't wait!

We have had a couple of really rough days with Ethan. I spent the majority of today on the phone, trying to get help for him.

THEN, as soon as I hung up the phone with one office, our doctor's nurse called to say that results from x-rays done on Cala yesterday were in... She has been diagnosed with Scoliosis. We won't know which type, etc. for a few days. Please pray with us! Thanks.

Sleep Study Part Two

I am writing you from the hospital, where I am overnight for yet another sleep study. You may remember I had one back in April. I have been on a C-Pap machine since May but my oxygen levels are still too low, and so bi-pap looks like the way I will go. If this means a much better night's sleep, hallelujah!

Great news to me is--- we bought a new laptop today!!! (there are some great deals out there to be had right now!). Anyway, I will now be able to be back online! I am thrilled by this. Glenn is probably at home now setting it up as I speak.

We ate supper tonight at a Chinese restaurant... cute words heard by Ethan (age 6)-
"How does she (meaning the waitress) carry all those plates?"

I responded, "She has learned how. Waitresses learn how to do that."

Ethan: "Wow! I sure don't want to be Chinese when I grow up!"

Glenn assured him there was no chance of that. HA HAAAAAAAA

Hallelujah!!!

Just a quick note to tell you our exciting news today!!!! Seth (our youngest son) was saved this afternoon (around 2 p.m. to be exact :o). He's been asking about it for about a month, and with him being just 4 1/2, we wanted to be so sure... It became nightly this week, but he never took that step. Then today at lunch he asked, "after lunch, can we talk about me being saved? I've GOT to get saved!" He did! He is smiling all through the house today. We are thrilled....

I will be online Monday night I believe as I spend the night for another sleep study. My oxygen levels have been going too low even though I am on c-pap, so this is to check for possible bi-pap.

Got to run... my time is just about up on this library computer.

My Mommy is here!

My Mama got here this past Wednesday and will be with us for two weeks. I am so excited having her here and we are having a good time. The kids are fighting over Grandma and that seems to really do her heart good. Grandma said she feels honored!

It does seem awfully weird to see Mama without Daddy. Strange. Cala said on Wednesday that it seemed lonely. She said it's just she's used to seeing two grandparents, not one.

Grandma is taking the kids on a daily walk, and enjoying the cooler weather. We have turned cool this week- in the 50's. It's nice.

We are heading out today to show Mama around. Check in with you at least next week! :o)

Computer Still Down...

Just checking in from our local library.... Our computers have both crashed and are both down for the count! There are some really great deals to be had out there and so we will wait until we have the money to buy a new one. Until that time, I will try my best to get here once a week at least.

Yesterday marked the one year anniversary of my Daddy's death. In so many ways, I can't believe it's been a year. My heart continues to break. Sure, the pain had lessened, the daily pain, the daily crying had long stopped, but this past week... well, this past week has just been rough. The pain, the crying, it feels as real as when it did the day he died.

When July 10, 2009 was impending, I tried to figure out how best to pass the time. Do I stay in the bed like I want to and try to forget? I knew that wouldn't work anyway... three kids and all... Do I do nothing more than I would normally? No, it didn't seem right either. My counselor had suggested I find what seemed best for me. What was that?! I didn't know. My son's counselor suggested doing something my Daddy would have liked, would have enjoyed and yet strangely enough, anything I thought of, well... it hurt to think of---- SO, she said to just do something to "nurture yourself."

I like yard sales. We headed out in search of, but nothing to be found yesterday... there's a really, really short "season" here. They are not completely over, just not yesterday. We headed to Wal-mart (that seems obligatory in a day out for me! ha), and also to some plant shops. I've needed color around my home for some time. I am pleased to announce I bought two hanging baskets yesterday... a BEAUTIFUL deep purple bunch of flowers (petunias?! I think)... they are now hanging on my deck. We also bought a hanging pot of pinkish-reddish roses.... they are in the front, hanging where they would greet you as you walk in- where they will receive enough shade. Ah, color.... after life in snowy Minnesota...this time of year cries out for COLOR! (anything but white).

My husband surprised us with lunch out to a restaurant we all enjoy and we headed home for an hour or so. During that time, Glenn headed here to this library to do some studying and it was then, in the stillness of my home, that I broke down. I sobbed. I know my kids were wondering about me by then, but Cala, sweet Cala jumped up on me and threw her arms around me and just gave me a peaceful smile to try to get me to smile. Ethan eventually tried to hug me as did Seth. Seth said, "I love you Mama." I said, " I just miss my Daddy so much. I miss Grandpa." Ethan replied, "I know you do, Mama, I know you do." He was caring at that moment, and Ethan grieves as well, poor guy.

There's a gaping hole, it still feels that way. For me, well.... I've gone a year or two at a time without seeing my Daddy... it seems right now that he could easily be there at home, but just not talking to me on the phone. At times, in my mind, he's there. To those in Florida, they've had this year to see his empty room and grasp it all. I haven't. (nor have my two oldest brothers who live out of country).

My Mama is coming this Wednesday for a two week visit! We are all thrilled... and yet, I realize this is going to be weird- to see Mama without Daddy... strange. So strange.

Life is still taking some getting used to. I love you Daddy, I miss you more than ever.

Our computers have both CRASHED! I am writing this from the hospital, where Ethan is going to be checked about stitches. He ran his head into the sink in his bathroom about an hour ago. Seth saw the whole thing. Ethan was putting something in the trash and slipped. Ughh... It's really close to where Seth had stitches!!!

We leave on Sunday for a few days for vacation in the Wisconsin Dells. We need this desperately. Things with Ethan's mental illness have escalated. Please pray for us all, but especially our precious six year old son.

I will write again a.s.a.p We hope to get our computer back and running soon.

Sitting here now watching the Magic get stomped by the Lakers, in Game 1 of the Finals. I am not happy, but this is life, and the Magic can still win the championship of course!

I am so not a Sports fan, but when it comes to Basketball... and the Magic... well, I'm in.

Since last I wrote, I've been very sick, and am just today feeling like I'm finally recovering a tiny little bit. Keep praying... I want this stuff gone.

We stay busy, busy, busy and I was happy to glance at my Day planner for July because there was uh... only one appointment written down there yet. Notice the word, "yet?" Today at one of our therapy appointments for Ethan, I went ahead and scheduled for the month of July. Sigh.... let's say that Wednesdays will alllll be a hectic day of the week around here at least next month.

I AM thrilled though that my Mama is coming next month for a couple of weeks. I can't wait to see her! There will be a couple of appointments we can't get out of, but at least she can go with us and be with us even there.

Note to my now 6 year old nephew in Paraguay: Feliz Cumpleanos mi sobrino! Te Quiero mucho y te extrano! :o)

last week on Wednesday (a week ago yesterday), there was a "dust storm" that came through this area. That was a CRAZY day for appointments- we had 4 in one day PLUS church that evening here in our home.

The dust was so bad as I was driving, that you literally could not see in front of you at one point. It was amazing in one regard as we had never experienced anything like it. I should back up here and say that I had the window cracked open a bit because the air in the front of the van doesn't work. It was a decently hot day that day.

Anyway, I began coughing and long story short- I was in the dr's office the following day for something non-related and had her look me over anyway. She at that time thought it was asthma caused by the storm (although I was not wheezing). Fast forward to yesterday, I had not gotten any better, was in the office for a physical therapy appointment but was too sick to keep it. I got sick in the office! (spare you the details) and although my doctor was not in yet, I was able to see another one there. I was diagnosed with a bacterial and a viral infection, am on powerful antibiotics (certainly hope they are powerful) and a prescription cough syrup.

**** In other news:***** I don't know if I've mentioned that we are parting with our beloved dogs. This breaks our heart, but it's best for the dogs. Due to Ethan's mental illness, we are just not in a position to give them the attention they crave and deserve. That's sad and heart breaking on its own, but something we know we have to do.

As I typed this, I got an email from a woman that will be meeting us an hour from now....(at a park) in order to meet Zima. I am praying this family will be the one for her and she can go home today to a new home. My heart will ache... Zima means a lot to me.

Saturday was the yard sale. I sold our double stroller that we used with the boys. I sold just a few other things. The sale over-all went pretty well. We are going to pull our stuff back out next month, this time from Thursday to Saturday, at my house. So, I have no excuse not to get it all together (all the stuff I want to sell)- I am going to start sorting through that nightly, maybe beginning tomorrow.

Tomorrow is one of those RARE days that we have nothing to do! GASP!?? I will spend the time washing clothes and cleaning.

Sunday of course was church, Monday was full of 3 appointments, thankfully all in the same city, but that was a bit crazy. Tuesday morning, we headed an hour from here to a therapy appt. for Ethan.

TODAY!? Today, well... I am getting ready to begin this crazy day for me. I head in the next few minutes to physical therapy, that's 30 minutes long... then I need to swing by Cala's school and get her out, so I can get to my therapy session 35 minutes away, and back to take Cala 35 minutes in the opposite direction to the orthodonist for an evaluation concerning braces!! It does get better... ha... for at 4:15, the boys both have eye exams. HA HA Then, of course we need to straighten up our home for church here tonight at 7.

Good news though---- Remember I said tomorrow brings NOTHING?! Meaning nowhere to go.... that feels wonderful! Absolutely wonderful!!!! Cala's original orthodonist appt. was tomorrow, but that brought a conflict with a school field trip so hence, I just got it changed to this afternoon. Yikes.

So on Tuesday's post I wrote out in much detail just how busy we have been and continue to be....

Wednesday I went to physical therapy. Uggh did my back ever hurt that morning and unfortunately, on the left side not the RIGHT side where it all began!

I was just positive that the boys had an eye appointment that afternoon as I even wrote it down in my trusty day planner (where would I be without that?! I shudder to think!). Thankfully, I called the doctor's office (only because I wasn't sure if it was at 4 or 4:30- hadn't written that part down!). In actuality, the appointment is NEXT Wednesday. That was great because I was really beat that day. Just tired.

Yesterday, (Thursday) was some kind of day! In the morning, Cala and I trekked to her Sensory evaluation. (O.k... we rode in the van there).... She indeed will benefit from weekly Sensory therapy and I'll get a phone call within this week to set that all up. We were hoping for it to be on Mondays, the same day Ethan goes, so as to save gas money (a 20 mile trip- so 40 round trip). However, if we keep this same O.T. (Occupational Therapist) that did the evaluation, she's not there on Mondays. To get Ethan's O.T., whom we really like and already have a rapport with, well..... her schedule seems to be full on Mondays. Cala and I both really like the O.T. we met yesterday and she has some ideas already planned for us. She suggested we look at changing Ethan's therapy day to a time when both O.T.'s are there. That would work, and we hope it can happen!

After leaving the appointment, I dropped off Cala at school... she made it right at 11:00 a.m. Then at 1:30, off went Glenn, Seth and I to the schools.... me to Ethan's to see him in his first ever concert. It went well. Glenn and Seth went to Cala's class and saw her in her first ever play. At least he got pictures.

A friend kept all 3 kids for about an hour while Glenn and I went back to Ethan's school at 3:30 for a meeting with a host of teachers. :o( Things are not well on the Ethan front. Remember he was diagnosed with RAD a few months ago (reactive attachment disorder).

Today- this morning, Glenn dropped Seth off at his Friday morning pre-school class. He's really loved that this year. I picked him up and here I sit. Just waiting now (as I eat lunch) for the time to go pick up Cala and Ethan from school. They usually ride the bus, but we need to be there right as they get out in order to make it about an hour away for one of Ethan's therapies.

We have a very full evening ahead! Yard sale at a friend's house tomorrow. Now if only I can get that stroller scrubbed tonight.

Catch Up

May 3rd was the last I posted so I decided to get out my day planner and see what I've done since then... here goes...

May 4th: Every Monday we have Sensory therapy for Ethan in a city about 35 minutes from here. That was at 4 p.m. We got back in time to get to the local high school where they were signing up for summer sports. Cala will be playing Soccer this July-August and Ethan will once again play flag football in September-October.

May 5th: I went to my doctor as a follow up to physical therapy. She said I needed to continue on at least a few more weeks. My upper back was continuing to hurt- no idea at all how it started hurting- just woke up March 14th in pain.

May 6th: 10:00 a.m. physical therapy. Wow did it hurt! Church at night.... I had to sit with a cushion behind my back as is becoming normal.

May 7th: 8:30 a.m. Ethan went to counseling.... 3:30 was Backyard Bible Club in our back yard. That went well.

May 8th: 10:30- Seth to pre-school...
Cala's Family Day- 8 years since she became our daughter! We had such a great day! She thought we were going to eat Supper at the Chinese restaurant, but we surprised her with Chuck E. Cheese. We went next door to a Christian bookstore after Supper... it just so happened they were showing a Hermie DVD for kids with free popcorn. They were also giving out prizes. The boys won a bug catcher... Cala was thrilled when she won a Hermie umbrella. Thankfully for her, it began raining right as we walked out the door!

May 9th: As always, Saturdays are what we call our "big cleaning day". However, Cala and I attended a Mother/Daughter luncheon at her Brownies (Girl Scouts) troop leader's home. We had an excellent time together.

May 10th: Mother's Day..... Glenn wanted to take us out to eat for Sunday dinner (lunch) and so asked where I would like to go. In the area, we recently got a new restaurant so I wanted to try that out. We had a long wait, but it was really, really good. We all enjoyed it. Of course the kids were thrilled to get to eat by the time it hit 2 p.m.! ha

May 11th: 10:30 a.m.- physical therapy.... 4 p.m., our regular trip for Ethan's Sensory therapy. I set up an appointment for Cala to have Sensory evaluation. Her appointment will be this coming T'hursday. OH! How I HOPE they can set her weekly appointments for Monday- the same day we are there with Ethan. Oh well.

May 12th: That's today! ..... This morning was Seth and my last ever parent/child class- Early Childhood. We have enjoyed these greatly over the last two years. In the fall, Seth will attend School Readiness (like K4), two afternoons a week. He will even get to go on a bus and return with his brother and sister. He is excited! I had another weekly appointment at 4 this afternoon with a friend and then at 6 p.m., had to get Cala to her Brownies' meeting! I decided to sit in on this one and enjoyed the time.

OK! Got you caught up for now! Our calendar doesn't promise to be any less busy in the coming months.... in fact, the opposite is true.

Tomorrow I have physical therapy in the morning, got to get to Target and Wal-mart right after, and then take both boys to the eye doctor (just for their first ever check-up... since they were adopted, we like to keep our kids checked out just in case there is something we should be looking for and don't even know it). Of course at night is church.

Thursday is Cala's Sensory evaluation in the morning, then will drop her back at school. Unfortunately, fifteen minutes apart is Ethan's first ever concert and Cala's first ever school play. Thankfully, Glenn can go to one, and me to the other, but neither of us are happy about missing the other kid's deal. I am going to Ethan's concert and Glenn to Cala's play. Cala already claimed Seth so he'll be accompanying Glenn to see Cala in the play. He would enjoy the music at Ethan's concert I am sure, but Cala IS playing a lion (with several lines) so he'll like that too- the play is called, "Harvey the Pig".

Then, that same afternoon, we have to drop off all three kids at a church member's house for about an hour while Glenn and I have an important meeting with a host of teachers! This is concerning Ethan. We are sooo very thankful for this school district and especially for Ethan's Kindergarten teacher. Sure wish she could be his teacher next year, but I will be praying now for a good one for First grade too.

So, there you have it! I think I will try to find at least enough time nightly to post what we did that day- according to my day planner! It's been mentioned a few times to me lately, "Amy, you're not blogging anymore are you?" I always respond with, "yes I am." I intend to anyway.

I thought it time for a change to the blog here and seeing how I am the Mama to 3 Monkeys (a.k.a. Cala, Ethan, Seth!), this background seemed appropriate. I might add here too that my children are so hip that while sitting in Burger King Thursday night, Seth proclaims, "hey! they're playing the Monkees!" Yes, my dear blog readers, my children can sing as loud as the rest of them- "hey hey we're the Monkees....." , "Then I saw her face, now I'm a believer".... The song playing though that night though was "take the last train to Clarksville and I'll meet you at the station..." Seth was ever so cute in Burger King singing right along.

Yes, my kids are cool! I really do get tickled because once Cala came home upset that no one in her class knew what she was talking about when she began saying, "na-noo, na-noo" as the night before we were watching "Mork N Mindy". I told her to go tell her teacher... she'd know... but then suddenly I remembered her teacher is in her late 20's (just a child to this 38 year old Mama- HA!) and probably wouldn't either.

Two weeks ago it was Ethan saying no one understood what he was doing when he made the sound Woody Woodpecker does! (can't figure how to spell that one! ha). I told him his dear teacher would- go say it to her. :o)

Yes, my kids are well rounded. They even know all about Howdy Doody thanks to their Grandparents. I couldn't begin to tell you about him though. Before my time just a bit. (just looked it up- it aired from 1947 to 1960.)

Spending the night with us? You might just hear , "Goodnight John Boy. Goodnight Mary Ellen."

It was April 27, 1994 when I miscarried a precious baby that would be our oldest child. I always picture that child as a boy who we named Evan. He would be 15 this year! FIFTEEN! Wow!

I've always felt sad on this day, remembering back then and yet as I go to sleep tonight, I feel a bit different than in days gone by.... you see, my Daddy is in heaven with my son (or daughter) this year. I wonder what kinds of conversations they've had. Can you imagine?! I can just picture my Daddy telling all kinds of stories about me to my child. Wow.

So I absolutely will NOT begin this post with excuses for my absence... no, I won't do that. After all, many nights I planned to blog, many nights I sat down to blog... does that count for something? ha I've even had blog posts in my head. Alas, what good does that do you, my faithful readers? (or have you forsaken me by now? MOM??? hee hee).

Let's see... since March 14th, I have been in upper back pain. I am now in physical therapy twice a week in hopes that it will help. I've just been through two sessions so far, so we'll give it a try.

For the past couple of months I have been falling asleep throughout the day, at the oddest times... once while walking in city hall, I started dozing! That was strange! Dangerous though is when on my way back home from Wal-mart, I fell asleep and woke up in another lane of traffic. Now, that was ridiculous!

SO, this coming Tuesday night (at this late hour- it's tomorrow night).... I will be undergoing a sleep study. They will be testing me for sleep disorders. My Daddy had sleep apnea. It is after all hereditary and so we shall see. I just know I need to wake up! (except for times like this when as I write it's after 2 a.m. and I'm not tired!). Uggh.

Thanks for being there.

Just a quick note to say the results came in tonight! NO melanoma!!! I do have to find out what's causing this excrutiating upper back pain, but praise the Lord no melanoma. I am trying to take this one step at a time. Rule something out, then another, etc. Thanks for the prayers! Keep them up!

Over the weekend Glenn bought me a day planner. My word! has that thing ever become important already! We are jam packed with appointments of one kind or another this week.

Pray for me as tomorrow (Tuesday, the 31st) is when I have the mole removed. My appointment is 2:15 p.m. Central time. I am a bit nervous and wondering how long it will take to get the results from the pathologist back.

Since Saturday, the 14th, I have been having some severe upper back pain. This past Wednesday, Glenn was putting a pain patch there for me (something like Icy Hot, but a generic brand). That's when he noticed a mole that I've had since birth, has changed in its color and appearance. I immediately called the doctor's office. I went in on Thursday.

One week from today, on March 31st, I will be having the mole removed and sent to a pathologist who will determine what, if anything more than a mole, it is.

With all the family history of all different sorts of cancer, I can't help but be concerned. Please pray.

I've spent the last several days very sick. Thankfully, I am coming out of that. Now, I am just exhausted, more than I think I ever have been in my life. I am sure that will change as I continue to get well.

Tonight, Cala and I were on the "docket" for the Brownies meeting. We were to present a "try-it" (to earn a patch) on Family. However, the meeting got canceled due to the weather. Yep! We've had a Winter storm here today. It snowed and it snowed and it snowed!

March in Minnesota.

Grief is real today- just hit me all of a sudden... strange how that happens.

Fibro pain is rough today- surely that was brought on my the snow.

Snow has seemed to pour all day- really it has... started at around 10 this morning and as of 11 p.m., it's still coming down some.

Seth is some better, but is still pretty miserable. I wish I could take it for him, poor guy.

Praise today is that Ethan found my camera! (it had been lost for a few weeks now!)

Thank the Lord that Cala came through her dental procedure just fine! I didn't like seeing my baby girl (10 years old!) "knocked out". I being as claustrophobic as I am couldn't have stood the procedure without being knocked out that's for sure! ha I am way claustrophobic! (yesterday at the ER, I asked every nurse and various hospital employee to please leave our door cracked open... it was just too small (with no windows at all) for me to be closed up and feeling like I couldn't get out!)

I praise the Lord that Cala was fine... woke up, and walked into the wall, couldn't stop talking, but she's fine. She AND Seth fell asleep this afternoon for about three hours!

As for Seth, the poor guy is just miserable still. Please keep praying. I hate this.

As for the cyst on my wrist, the doctor says it's called a "ganglion cyst" and nothing to worry about. That was great news!

In other news: our new refrigerator comes tomorrow! I am happy about that!

Please pray for Seth! He is so sick!

Saturday night he began coughing such a deep, deep cough and yesterday it got worse, and he began having a fever. This morning, I decided to call the doctor. I knew his doctor is not in on Mondays, but at this point would have taken any doctor they had. However, they had no one available to even work Seth in. His appointment was set for 2:45 tomorrow afternoon!

Within 30 minutes, Seth began gasping and really coughing terribly. We decided to head to the ER, especially since our insurance covers it 100 percent too. SO glad we went! The doctor thought he might have pneumonia, but the x-rays showed no. However, he does have a severe upper respiratory virus AND something called Reactive Airway Disease- let's just say, he's miserable!!! They gave him a breathing treatment, sent us home with a nebulizer and the home health care group will be bringing out another one tomorrow... that one will become ours permanently. So, when Seth no longer needs it, it will still be nice to have since I have asthma. Every once in a blue moon, I need a breathing treatment.

I had an IEP (individualized education plan) meeting with Ethan's "team" of teachers at 3:00. We got home from the ER at 2:56! I made it into the meeting (a tad late), got home around 4 p.m., ate supper by 4:45, and left at 5:00 for Cala's school (parent/teacher conference). I left there, got home around 5:30, beeped the horn, Cala and Ethan got in and off we went to Target! We needed to pick up Seth's prescription (medicine for the nebulizer) and also get some stuff we needed. We made it home sometime around 8:05! I am tired.

Please pray for us! Tomorrow at 9:30 a.m., Cala will be having some dental work- they are going to have her "knocked out" for this. I am a tad nervous about it, but trusting it will all be fine. With our kids being adopted and not knowing birth family medical history, it concerns me some.

Then tomorrow afternoon, I have an appointment with my doctor. This past Saturday morning, I found a lump in my right wrist. (under the skin). I have to say with the history of cancer in my family, it's always a concern. I know chances are this is "nothing" but do pray for me please.

Hopefully tomorrow evening will bring some relaxation. We need it!

This morning, Glenn carried Ethan to the doctor. Last week, Ethan showed us a bruise that he couldn't recall where he got it from... we thought no big deal because after all, he's a little boy! About three days ago, we noticed a knot or a lump right above the bruise (on his right leg). It began getting larger and hurting him.

Yesterday afternoon, the doctor's nurse said to definitely bring him in and so Glenn did. They think it's just a "blood blister." If it does not go away in two weeks from today or he gets a fever from it, we are to carry him back in right away to be sure that it's nothing more.

This afternoon, we carried all three kids to the dentist. This was the first time for either boy to ever go to a dentist. We really liked this dentist! (we had a bad experience at one before a few months ago).

Cala will be going back on Tuesday- two cavities to fill and two teeth to put sealants on. I also get the wonderful job of searching for an Orthodonist that takes our insurance- Cala more than likely is going to need braces. Cala sees this as a good thing- she's 10. What will she think when they're actually on her teeth? We'll see.

On a cute note: The dentist was saying, "I bet your Mom can remember when you were a baby and your teeth were coming in and you would cry from the pain." The dentist didn't know Cala was adopted, and at age 2 years 7 months at that. (side note: she was so developmentally delayed that we DID go through some teething with her, so I indeed remember the crankiness! ha).

Cala though sits straight up in the chair, looks at the doctor and says, "I was never a baby! I was adopted!" HA HAAAAAAa We all got a good laugh at that one, and I explained to Cala that of course you were still a baby at one point, just not with us. Precious.

Bad News, Good News

Bad News - our refrigerator went kaput.

Good News- we will have a new refrigerator.

Bad News- it can't be delivered until one week from tomorrow.

Good News- we live in Minnesota and it's winter!

Bad News- we lost hamburger meat that I had just bought.

Good News- the freezer is still working and so we won't lose anything else.

Bad News- we will have to buy little bit along until the new refrigerator gets here

Good News- just as stated before, we live in Minnesota and it's winter!!!! We can put our milk in the garage (a gallon is in there now), and it will serve as a refrigerator.

God blessed today even when we weren't expecting it... a church member called last night to say their entire family was sick, evidently have what we all had (and I am still battling). We certainly feel for them...it's rough.

However, we had 3 visitors this morning! That was great. One is a woman who will be attending for a couple of months while she and her husband are house sitting. They are from Texas. The other was a young man that attended a few times last fall- he and his sister (who is visiting from North Dakota) came this morning. We pray he comes back next week!

And so, even when you think you'll be down in attendance, God blesses. To be completely honest here, this morning I wasn't feeling like going. I thought about staying home but pressed on. I am so glad I did.

Happy Valentine's Day! Of course I write this as it's almost over! We had a great time as always. My husband is very romantic, and I am truly blessed.

This past week was spent with my family taking turns being sick it seems and now our church family is suffering from the same junk! It's really going around here I guess.

I've had a wonderful time on Facebook (http://www.facebook.com) lately, reconnecting with "old" friends. It's really been fun catching up with people I had lost along the way.

Today Ethan asked me who adopted me. I thought it was precious! I explained that not everyone has to be adopted, that some people like me and Papa (Glenn) stay with the woman who had them in their tummy. He said, "oh, Grandma Barker is your birthmother?" Priceless... just priceless.... :o)

I've been having a really rough time keeping my mind off anything but my Daddy. His 74th birthday would have been tomorrow. :o/

My counselor gave me a print out this past week of the 4 stages of grief. I am caught somewhere in between stage 1 and stage 2. I try not beating myself up over this, but my goodness... I just miss him so very much!

Today was a good day. I enjoyed my birthday really. There was just some bittersweet moments, especially when Mama talked me two different times in the day. It was just knowing that my Daddy wouldn't be talking to me today that hurt so much. I called my Mama one time and asked her to let me call back and for them not to answer. I wanted to hear the answering machine, as it is still Daddy's voice on it.

As I listened, I cried and cried, but for a moment, it brought peace. I've cried off and on since, but I have been able to enjoy the efforts put forth by my sweet husband and my children. This morning, Cala and the boys came down carrying me breakfast that CALA had made- wonderful scrambled eggs (she really can make them better than me!), with melted mozzarella cheese in them, two pieces of toast, a glass of milk, and a cup of hot chocolate! The boys were standing right next to Cala, all singing me "Happy Birthday". Cala and Ethan spent time with me before going to school.

Glenn, Seth and I tried to go on to Denny's (sure couldn't tell Cala that we already had plans for breakfast)--- we went later on in the morning, but there was a near hour wait for the free Grand Slam promotion today... so we went on to Hardee's for a yummy biscuit. (Glenn by that point was very hungry). We stopped by Wal-mart for my cake and to look around a bit, and then home.

I got a nice nap while waiting for Cala and Ethan to get home from school. We soon left for supper at Buffalo Wild Wings. It was very nice and we all had a great time. We came home, went upstairs and had cake and ice cream. Of course I opened gifts and cards. The phone calls came throughout the day (heard the messages) and others called tonight. It was nice to know people love me.

Oh yes! I started the day talking to my niece who turned 13 today. :o)

HAPPY BIRTHDAY MICHELLE!

With my birthday coming tomorrow, I couldn't help but be sad today, incredibly sad. No, I'm not upset that I'm about to turn 38. That's o.k.

I just miss my Daddy so very much, well, there's just not the words in the English language to describe the hole I feel in my heart tonight. It's the first birthday that I will not hear my Daddy call me and sing to me. Oh how I long for that!

Sunday

This was one of those mornings when what could go wrong did go wrong! I strive to have my house ready at the drop of a hat... meaning if we were to get to the Sunday morning meeting place (a school) and for some strange reason it wasn't oh say, open for us, that we could just rush back to our house and hold services.

Last night, our church members held a birthday party for me at their house. We had a great time, eating supper, having cake, playing games, (opening presents :o) . I guess I could blame it on being gone so long but really, I had told Cala to not worry about cleaning the foyer (entryway) until this afternoon- so it would be ready for church tonight (which we always have Sunday night and Wednesday night services here in our home). I had let her leave some stuff for the recycle bin too! Let me back up and say that the main reason I did that was because I knew we were going to be gone late, and would be tracking in more snowy boots, so why not wait until Sunday afternoon?!

Can you see where this is going?! We get to our meeting place and there sat a packed parking lot. Well, wouldn't it be great if they were all there for church? BUT we knew that wasn't true and there went my sinking feeling.... the doors were locked!!!! There was some sort of event going on in the school next door to the one where we meet, but folks were parked everywhere. Oh did my heart sink....

The dear church goers said they would drive slow :o) hee hee and we rushed back here to spruce up the place.... Cala, I've got to brag on her here, because this is HIGHLY UNUSUAL for her, but she did really, really well at just pitching in and going to work! She grabbed the broom, grabbed the Swiffer and got the foyer going while I quick picked up dirty towels off my bathroom floor. The boys got busy with the family room (which wasn't really bad at all, just a couple of play swords on the floor- a.k.a paper towel rolls! ha).

AND then the phone rang... a dear soul wanting to know if she had gone to the wrong place- Glenn explained about the mix up at our meeting place and told her how to get to our home... he then offered to go meet her in town to make sure she got here with no trouble. (one less person to help with Glenn being gone is all I could think, right after I praised the Lord for her coming! ha). Then our church folks show up, and I panic. ha Glenn asked them to take him to town (bless you dear husband, giving me more time to clean before everyone is back), to insure the woman who called would get here o.k. HOWEVER, my dear friend jumps out of her van to say she would stay and help me. Glenn, trying to save his wife from being embarrassed at anyone seeing her home like this, replied, "oh that's o.k. Sister."

HOWEVER, about that time, CALA PANICS! "MAMA, Sister ______ is getting out of her van!" I just had to laugh at that point, and really it turned out to be a blessing! She came in and asked what she could do and I (who normally am inclined at these times to respond with, "why, just sit down and relax, nothing, we've just about got it."), replied, "you can vacuum the family room if you don't mind." And off she went.... Meanwhile, I am taking over the Swiffer while sending Cala upstairs to put the broom away, and notice a sheet still tacked to the wall (which is there when the kids have to sleep downstairs in extreme cold).... I am just about to ask Cala to come down quickly when I see dear Cala drinking some water! ugghhh (no time to be thirsty, girl!). I then hear the door of the laundry room close....

Oh, the laundry room.... sigh... I don't even want to mention Mt. Washmore that is going on in there. I ought to charge admission for the view!!! HAAAAAAAA Let me just say that with the knowledge that this dear woman (who I truly thank God for coming to help at that point), had seen my laundry room.... I used a word my sweet saint of a Mama would use..........

I was MORTIFIED.

By the way, I thought church went really well. You can believe me that this will never happen again! Next Sunday, it will be spotless that morning- and of course, the meeting place will be open, welcoming us in.

Guess I finally thought of something to say.... hee hee

For our weekly family night tonight (Friday), it was Cala's turn to choose everything. For our entertainment, she wanted to watch a movie. We regularly use Redbox (you know, the "red" dvd boxes in places like Wal-mart, some grocery stores, McDonald's)? (http://www.redbox.com) . Tonight, all I could find was one movie, or so I thought it was a movie. It turned out to be a bunch of cartoons, but really, really cute and Cala was happy with it.

After the kids were in bed, Glenn and I finally got to see the movie Fireproof. (we got it through redbox, which by the way is only $1 (plus tax)!) It was excellent!!! If you haven't seen this movie yet, please do! It's so neat to see a Christian movie very well produced. It's main star is Kirk Cameron, who just so happened to grace my bedroom wall as a teenager. ha (back when he starred in Growing Pains). It's great to have someone like him be a Christian.

I hope to post some pictures here tomorrow. So stay tuned!

I sit here trying to think of something to say! ha ha Back to you when I find it.

More info on my PW friend's son....

As it turned out, my PW friend's son was playing what's called the "choking game". While they are comforted to know he was not trying to take his own life, it's tragic all the same.
http://www.chokinggame.net/ This website serves as a warning for parents and is a parent education site. I had no idea about this kind of "game". How sad.

Continue praying for this family as they go through the funeral on Tuesday and all the grief that goes with this.

Hug Your Kids Extra Tight....

It's hard in today's world as a teen... foot, it's hard in today's world for many of us at different ages.

My heart is just aching tonight... a PW I know online is grieving as her 14 year old son hung himself Thursday night. He was pronounced dead Friday night. Please pray for them as they grieve. He was found by his Daddy and his brother.

Please tell your kids that there is NOTHING so bad that it's worth killing yourself.

A Bit of Happiness

Amidst my stress, my sadness, my low points, God was gracious to send a smile my way. I have a facebook page and have tried for ages to find old classmates, but to no avail. A couple of weeks ago, a guy from the class just older than me found me. That was neat, but I really wanted to find my closest friends too, you know, the ones back then, that you thought you would never lose touch with! Tonight, I decided to try searching one guy's name that is less common again, and found him! Within an hour, I had found 4 other long lost friends from back then. I went to a small Christian school in Orlando and so we were a lot like family in those days.

It's cool to see pictures of these folks and see what they look like now. Funny how in my mind, they were frozen in time.

I thank God for the bit of sunshine he's sent my way tonight. Sunshine for the soul.

I'm at an extreme low point right now. Please please pray for me. I am just mentally exhausted. Physically, I am experiencing a lot of issues which I honestly think stem from stress right now. Please pray for us all. Thank you!

Baby it's cold outside...

School was canceled this morning due to extreme wind chills. (as low as -51 this morning at one point!). That's what I call "insanely cold!" It was one of those times when you're told to not go outside if you don't have to, but uh... we had no choice! We have one more therapy session to attend tomorrow in the Cities and it's supposed to be cold like this again tomorrow.

But hey! It's January... it's Minnesota! What do I expect, right?!

We are completely exhausted at the end of this week. Every Friday we have a weekly family night and we had fun last night. It was Seth's turn and we had a night of Mario Kart on the Wii. It's my favorite game to play and the kids have great fun with us playing the games too. It was much needed after a stressful week.

Next week will bring more of the same, so I am trying to schedule some really low key suppers. When I say low key I am talking hot dogs and fries, etc. We are used to me cooking and I usually cook quite healthy meals, but this coming week- no way. This week has been pretty low key too but it's needing to be even lower key next week.

We relaxed this morning and let everyone sleep as late they wanted to. I think we were all up by 7:30! The kids and I have been working some on the house... Glenn has been writing his monthly report and studying more for his sermons tomorrow.

We have more cleaning to do together tonight and are also getting everything Christmas out of the house.

Exciting Saturday as you can see! ha haaaaaa

First off, Suz asked what we had for Russian Christmas. Normally, Suz we do cook for this holiday, but with our terribly chaotic schedule this next couple of weeks, we bought our food. Groceries stores around here have Russian food, so we had some chicken kiev (ok, that's from Ukraine, but we ate it all the time in Russia!), pelmeni, Russian style salads and Russian cookies. It was all good. The boys enjoyed having food from "where Cala's from!".

I think Lynn asked me in the comments section how long we'll be going to this therapy.... it was scheduled from the 5th through the 16th. We go Monday through Friday, for two weeks.

As I mentioned tonight on my blog about Ethan, after therapy today, we went to a Salvadoran restaurant. Ethan lit up to see people that are from El Salvador like him, and to eat the food. It was good food too! I enjoyed talking to a woman there and she LOVED knowing Ethan is Salvadoran. She went and got more employees to come see him and they all smiled. It was nice.

We ate a Salvadoran dish called Pupusa. Here is a sample of what we ate:

Pupusas originated in El Salvador, and are similar to corn tortillas, only thicker and stuffed with cheese, beans or meat. They are served with a type of salad that you put on top, and then salsa. Yummy!

We also ate fried yuca and something called sopes, but none of us cared much for the sopes. The fried yuca and the pupusas were very, very good!!!! We definitely want to go back to this restaurant!

We are currently driving 100 miles a day round trip in order to be part of what is called "intensives". It's a type of therapy to help Ethan with his RAD. Glenn, Ethan and I see Cala off, drop Seth off at a friend's home right around 8:30 and off we go. We get home daily around 3 p.m. This leaves us with time to get supper prepared (thank you to Glenn who last night threw some stuff in the crockpot and so we had that waiting for us tonight... there's plenty left over for Thursday night.

Tomorrow is Russian Christmas. We have a Russian meal planned. We look forward to this each year. I miss Russia in many ways, and yet I am amazed at God's providence. He knew if we were back there, Ethan would not receive the help he so desperately needs. Life is so different than we planned, but hey! God is in charge.

The current song playing on my blog here, "Carry You to Jesus" by Steven Curtis Chapman means a lot to me. I not only love the sadness in the music at first, I love the hope that is in that song. In dealing with grief, it's been amazing the things that have been said. Many well meaning people say some, well, stupid things. It's not that they mean it to be stupid, it just comes out that way.

There's no recent incident to report, it's just in my mind right now--- I am dealing with Daddy's death right now as if it just happened! I am sure that's normal at the Christmas/New Year season, and to top things off, Daddy's birthday would have been February 7th, just 4 days after my own.... and so, I am sure that affects me right now.

I could just really use some prayer. I thought the roller coaster had stopped but it seems to have come back around to pick me up again.

The Best News Ever!!!!

Hey! I have been offline due to a computer virus! It really wreaked havoc on our big pc. We hooked up our laptop to internet a few hours ago.

My brother and his wife, and their 12 year old daughter have been here the past week, and just went back to Florida Dec. 31st. (my brother's 50th birthday- they were scheduled for the 30th but due to a snow storm here, the flight was canceled.) We had a great time with them and are sad that they're gone.

HOWEVER- I am writing to say that at 12:05 a.m (just past midnight) January 1st, 2009- ETHAN WAS SAVED!!!!!!!!!! I spent 2 hours talking to him and Glenn had fallen asleep on the couch. Ethan kept talking to me asking more questions and finally said, "if Jesus is ready for me, I'm ready for Him!" :o) I can't tell you how happy this makes us! He called my Mama (even though it was by then after 1 a.m. there!) She was thrilled to talk to him and he had already talked to Glenn's parents. Everyone is of course happy and I believe my Daddy, Ethan's beloved Grandpa is praising the Lord with the angels tonight, rejoicing over his salvation!!!!!!!!

Just HAD to let ya'll know! Oh yes... this comes the day before Ethan's 6th birthday.

2008 was a terrible year for us....2009 has started out wonderfully!!!!!!