Just checking in from our local library.... Our computers have both crashed and are both down for the count! There are some really great deals to be had out there and so we will wait until we have the money to buy a new one. Until that time, I will try my best to get here once a week at least.
Yesterday marked the one year anniversary of my Daddy's death. In so many ways, I can't believe it's been a year. My heart continues to break. Sure, the pain had lessened, the daily pain, the daily crying had long stopped, but this past week... well, this past week has just been rough. The pain, the crying, it feels as real as when it did the day he died.
When July 10, 2009 was impending, I tried to figure out how best to pass the time. Do I stay in the bed like I want to and try to forget? I knew that wouldn't work anyway... three kids and all... Do I do nothing more than I would normally? No, it didn't seem right either. My counselor had suggested I find what seemed best for me. What was that?! I didn't know. My son's counselor suggested doing something my Daddy would have liked, would have enjoyed and yet strangely enough, anything I thought of, well... it hurt to think of---- SO, she said to just do something to "nurture yourself."
I like yard sales. We headed out in search of, but nothing to be found yesterday... there's a really, really short "season" here. They are not completely over, just not yesterday. We headed to Wal-mart (that seems obligatory in a day out for me! ha), and also to some plant shops. I've needed color around my home for some time. I am pleased to announce I bought two hanging baskets yesterday... a BEAUTIFUL deep purple bunch of flowers (petunias?! I think)... they are now hanging on my deck. We also bought a hanging pot of pinkish-reddish roses.... they are in the front, hanging where they would greet you as you walk in- where they will receive enough shade. Ah, color.... after life in snowy Minnesota...this time of year cries out for COLOR! (anything but white).
My husband surprised us with lunch out to a restaurant we all enjoy and we headed home for an hour or so. During that time, Glenn headed here to this library to do some studying and it was then, in the stillness of my home, that I broke down. I sobbed. I know my kids were wondering about me by then, but Cala, sweet Cala jumped up on me and threw her arms around me and just gave me a peaceful smile to try to get me to smile. Ethan eventually tried to hug me as did Seth. Seth said, "I love you Mama." I said, " I just miss my Daddy so much. I miss Grandpa." Ethan replied, "I know you do, Mama, I know you do." He was caring at that moment, and Ethan grieves as well, poor guy.
There's a gaping hole, it still feels that way. For me, well.... I've gone a year or two at a time without seeing my Daddy... it seems right now that he could easily be there at home, but just not talking to me on the phone. At times, in my mind, he's there. To those in Florida, they've had this year to see his empty room and grasp it all. I haven't. (nor have my two oldest brothers who live out of country).
My Mama is coming this Wednesday for a two week visit! We are all thrilled... and yet, I realize this is going to be weird- to see Mama without Daddy... strange. So strange.
Life is still taking some getting used to. I love you Daddy, I miss you more than ever.
2 comments:
Can't believe it's been a whole year already! Seems like it just happened!
You need to get a new puter soon!!!!!!
Praying in Seattle!
Psalms 59:16-17 But I will sing of thy power; yea, I will sing aloud of thy mercy in the morning: for thou hast been my defence and refuge in the day of my trouble. Unto thee, O my strength, will I sing: for God is my defence, and the God of my mercy.
Praying for your family right now!
Psalms 91:14-15 Because he hath set his love upon me, therefore will I deliver him: I will set him on high, because he hath known my name. He shall call upon me, and I will answer him: I will be with him in trouble; I will deliver him, and honour him.
Post a Comment