Thanks Blog Pal

I keep forgetting to post to my Secret Blog Pal a THANK YOU!!!!! I have received your packages throughout this round and got one yesterday (candy for the kids). Thank you!!!!! Sorry I keep forgetting to let you know!!!!!!!!

So I can admit.... I've had some gray hair make their appearance lately. I was dealing o.k. with that. Not anymore! HAAAAAAAAA

We are sitting in church tonight when Seth (age 3) is lovingly playing with my hair. He whispers to me so innocently, so sweetly, "Mama! Do I have gray hair?!" HAAAAAAAA

I whispered back , "when you're older!"

At least I got a laugh tonight.

It was a very long time coming, but my mother in law finally made it to Canada!!!! (my father in law's first time too, but there's a story behind my mother in law's first time). Back when my mother in law was a child, her family traveled to Michigan picking cherries. They were within miles of the Canadian border and her Daddy planned to go. However, for some reason, he ended up not going, and so she had all her life never been to Canada.

We got her there- not through Michigan of course, but through Minnesota.

Glenn and I have been to different areas of Canada, to Toronto, to Quebec, but this is hundreds of miles away from there. The scenery just above the Minnesota/Canada border is beautiful.

These small mountains were so peaceful:

You can tell the boys enjoyed their traveling time! My precious sons!

We all agreed that we want to make this trip again, with more time to spend. Last year we visited South Dakota (Mt. Rushmore) with my inlaws. We LOVED that... but I tell you, we all said we would love several days back in the North Shore/mountain area of Minnesota and into Canada. God was good to allow us this time! My mind even rested!

My RAD blog

A head's up to those who are out there- I recently began a blog about dealing with Ethan having RAD. It's at http://myradchild.blogspot.com To read it however, you must be approved. You will need to post stating you wish to be added.

I have never held back in this blog, and I know I have people reading from all over. With the blog about Ethan, I just prefer to keep it to those I approve. So if you are interested in reading, post and let me know, or email me, or go to http://myradchild.blogspot.com and sign in.

Didn't I say I would post more pictures and then I didn't!?!?!? Wow! Life gets busy when my inlaws are here. We tend to keep the roads hot with them. Not that we've gone anywhere else since our wonderful trip to the north shore last week- it's just we tend to be on the run a lot. We have shown them our local scenery too. It's beautiful around here where we live. I am thankful to be here especially in this season of my life!

*** I wrote the above paragraph on the 24th! My inlaws left the next day! We just haven't slowed down much.***

We are fine, just busy with Ethan's situation. We also are recovering from some nasty colds/cough. My fibro is kicking up worse than usual lately, and well, that's life.

Here are some more pictures from our trip to Minnesota's north shore:

My mother in law and me at Gooseberry Falls.

Cala and her Grandpa at the Falls:

Gooseberry Falls is such a peaceful, beautiful place! We visited there on our way up to our motel. That was all on Thursday. I will hopefully (but no promises! ha) post pictures from other days later. Stay tuned....

We had an absolutely wonderful time in Minnesota's North Shore! If you ever get the chance, you must go!!! It's gorgeous! Absolutely beautiful!

We left here Thursday morning around 5:30 a.m. and got back home Saturday evening around 7:00 p.m.

We spent our time driving past miles and miles and miles (and miles!) of Lake Superior, right alongside it. We visited the mountains and stayed two nights in a motel/cabin like place. We spent Friday in Thunder Bay, Ontario, Canada.

We all agree we want to go back to the north shore and spend more time, a week at least. You really could have a great vacation there.

I will post more pictures tomorrow but will leave you with this taken at Lake Superior:

Wow how time has a way of slipping by... just a few short years ago, this precious girl was tiny! She's still small for her age, but to be now in the double digits... it's amazing! I have a TEN year old!? wow....

I remember bringing Cala home and when describing her, we would say she was the joy of our lives. That has proven to be so for all those years now. She is a joy! Oh, she's not without her faults as none of us are (she needs a lesson in how best to share ;o) but many who know her LOVE her!

She enjoyed her birthday by having a girl from church over. Thankfully school was out at 12:30 today and will resume on Monday. This gave Cala a good day of
celebrating.












I know I've mentioned my inlaws are here. Yesterday, we took them to see where we baptized.
Here is Glenn with his Dad:
My father-in-law is from Mississippi. I think he really enjoyed standing out amongst the mighty Mississip- in Minnesota!
It really is a beautiful area out there, and the kids all had a great time.

Here is one that I just love- Brothers....
In the morning, we are leaving to go visit Minnesota's North Shore. I've heard from SEVERAL people how beautiful a drive it is. We are really looking forward to it. We are going to drive into Canada as well. I don't think I'll have net access so I'll check back in here on Saturday night or it may be Sunday before I blog. Either way, pray for us!

We really had a good Lord's day today. Nothing major took place, nothing exciting in the world's eye, but to me, it was a good day.

Please pray for me but especially for Ethan. I've shared in previous posts about his diagnosis of RAD (reactive attachment disorder- I promise, if you do a yahoo or google search with reactive attachment disorder spelled out, you will find what I'm talking about). He needs prayers tonight for peace, and I need prayers tonight to be the best I can be at this new chapter in our lives, this new challenge I am faced with.

We will be do "attachment parenting" but I am the one who will have to be the most committed to this as it is I who the anger, the rage is directed at.

May God help us is my prayer!

Friday

3 months ago today, my Daddy died. Life as I knew it changed that day. I am trying, truly trying to pull out of depression. I would say I'm half way there. I have my good days, my bad days, my terrible days. I don't pretend to know how long that will last. I've been told grief varies from person to person and I am finding that to be completely true. When you add in what I'm going through with Ethan, well, life can be emotionally draining. God is the only one getting me through this all.

On a good note: my inlaws arrived from Florida today. They will be with us until the 25th. We are all excited to have them here!

Tonight, we as a church, along with my inlaws passed out five hundred invitations (to our church!). We did this in 30 minutes flat at the local football game. We under-estimated how many invitations we would need. We now believe 1,000 would have been easy to get out. By the time we were out, the copy store was closed or we would have had more made up.
Pray for us that we will see results from our efforts. We are enjoying getting the word out!

Dates

It was on this date (October 9th, 1993) that I miscarried our first baby. Evan would now be 14 years old. That's incredible to me!

It was on this date 13 weeks ago that my life felt like it stopped when my Daddy died. It will be 3 months tomorrow.

An incredible thought is this- my Daddy knows his grandchildren that he never knew here on earth. I am jealous of him! He knows my children that I never met. Evan would be our oldest- our next baby that I miscarried 10 years later would be younger than Cala AND Ethan.

I can see the ultimate "Romans 8:28 moment" in this- it working for good... without the miscarriages, we wouldn't have our precious children. Of course I long to know them, but can you imagine this?! Heaven is all they've ever known!!!! Wow!

For today, my song playing is called "Glory Baby" by the group, Watermark. It was written after their own miscarriage. An online friend sent it to me many years ago, following my second miscarriage. (Thank you, C.C.).

In 1988, President Ronald Reagan declared October as National Pregnancy and Infant Loss Month. Please take a moment on October 15th to pray for those of us grieving our babies.

This year, at Mother's Day, I received a very special gift. For years now I wanted a way to keep my babies close but of course how was I going to do this?! A ring I decided. This year, Glenn surprised me by having me pick out a ring in memory of Evan and Faith. The inscription of their names are each side... the stones are the birth stones for the months (September for Faith, October for Evan) that they were born into heaven. For that, truly became their birth day! It just so happens that September is a dark blue, and October a pink- so it serves a double purpose of boy and girl. AND no, I truly don't know 100 percent if they were a boy or a girl, two boys or two girls... it's just a feeling I always had.

For the memorial website I made years ago, go to http://www.angelfire.com/blues2/evanfaith

Wednesday

Glenn was in bed most of the day- he had been up all Tuesday night. Tuesday he went to the doctor and it turns out he has a severe ear infection. Wouldn't you know it, it happened as we have a lot to do. His parents arrive Friday!

Keep praying for us. I feel a bit overwhelmed at the moment- emotionally beat up by a boy who doesn't know why he feels the way he does. I've spent a lot of time today documenting the past few days for the therapist. This should help.

Got to get to bed. I am tired and tomorrow promises to be a busy day.

Ethan

Here's Ethan from football practice yesterday evening. If you notice his mouth looking funny, it's because he has a mouth piece (guard) in. He soooo loves football, and will be sad for it to end. (at the end of this month).

Football for Ethan has been a confidence booster- he loves hearing us holler, "go, Ethan go! Get that flag!!!" Or, "Run, Ethan, RUN!" He's super excited the times he actually did get a flag.

Ethan though could use your prayers as could we. You see, he was recently diagnosed with RAD- Reactive Attachment Disorder. I know that many kids are mis-diagnosed, simply labeled, but with Ethan, we have researched and researched and simply knew something was "wrong." Through his therapy sessions we have all (Glenn, me and the therapist) come to the conclusion that it's RAD. Now we continue his therapy (it's in the form of therapeutic play) as well as us educating ourselves all we can on how to best parent the little guy. He needs your prayers! Please pray for me as well as much of his rage is aimed at me. Oh how I long for him to realize how much I actually do LOVE him!

Monday

We had a very busy day! This morning, Glenn, Seth and I rode into the Cities, and by the time we came home, we had 30 minutes before Cala and Ethan got in, and off we went again! This time in the other direction, where we took Ethan to his counseling session. It's been emotionally taxing to get Ethan help, but we know it is well worth it. He needs the help, bless his heart. I just pray for the strength to know how to best parent him.

When we got home, we dropped off Glenn, Cala and Seth, and off went Ethan and me to his football practice!!! Thank you Glenn for cooking supper tonight! What a blessing! (he took care of this while I took Ethan.. we usually all go, but with the therapy session in there today too, there was no time to eat until after practice and we didn't want to wait to cook it on top of that! As it was, we were 7:15 p.m. eating, (we usually eat in between 5 and 6) so I was happy Glenn chose to take care of this and me go to practice.

Once supper was over and everyone was through with their baths, settled all in, you would think I would be ready to collapse. I guess I am, (did I mention I drove all day because Glenn has an ear infection!?!!), but I needed the down time. So, here I sit, soon to go to bed.

Seth showed up an hour ago, scared from a bad dream about their toy box having legs and walking around. Poor thing, he was cute... he said, (while visibly shaking), "I know Ethan is up there with me, and I shouldn't be scared, but I am! I'm scared to look around the room!" He's in bed tonight with us.

Tomorrow- a new day. I really need the music on my playlist right now. It speaks to me.

Scriptures (Sunday Post)

First off: I created a Play list of some songs that mean a lot to me, especially the first one, "Finally Home". If you choose not to listen to them, simply scroll down and on the right you will see my playlist. You can click on the first small button to mute it.

When I was a kid, you could ask me and as long as I can remember, my favorite scripture was John 14:1-4 where it begins, "In my house are many mansions..."

Then as I had things happen, beginning this time of year back in 1991, Romans 8:28 jumped out at me and quickly became the verse that I would cling to (and still do) throughout the years! ("For we know that all things work together for good...")

This morning, (Sunday), during Sunday School, Glenn was teaching and read a verse that in my Bible had another reference to go read. Somehow or another, I happened upon the verse that I have added up there under my blog title- Micah 7:8. It states, "Rejoice not against me, O mine enemy: when I fall, I shall arise; when I sit in darkness, the LORD shall be a light unto me." I have read that over and over and love how it paints a picture of me right now.

As I travel through this journey, this battle with depression, I am not without hope. I realize that I may fall, but I will one day be back on top. I sit in darkness (in depression) at the moment, but at some point, the light will be back in my life. I am confident of that. I wish it was now, and I am trying to climb out. I know though that the hurt I feel at losing my Daddy, at then losing my beloved cousin, at then dealing with the deaths of others, well... that hurt won't always be there. It's real, so very real right now, but I praise Him for the promise that He's still there.

Hanging in....

Thought I would update that I went to the doctor yesterday afternoon. It was time to let her know that the Zoloft she put me on at the end of August was giving me side effects I just don't want to deal with... and so, she has changed me to Paxil. The night time pill (Trazodone) is working really well finally, and so I will stick with it for awhile at least. I am thankful this doctor is the kind that is slow to just give you a pill...but at the same time she realized I needed something and now realized I needed to try something different. I am to return to her in a month to update her how the Paxil is working. As she said, there are fortunately many choices out there that we can try until we find "THE" one.

AND... yesterday my baby man, Seth began a Friday morning pre-school class. He was so thrilled. Back last month, he was screened in accordance to Minnesota state law, that states that all children between ages 3 to 5 must have screening done in order to catch any potential delays. Well, we knew Seth was smart but we were all flabbergasted to learn that if it were possible to begin Kindergarten now, Seth is smart enough to do so!!!!

I home school Seth in pre-school, and every other week, we attend together a parent/child class. This class gives us the opportunity to play together, and then while Seth has snack and then a story, etc., the parents are in a room with a parent teacher. It's really a great time. However, an opportunity arose for Seth to attend this Friday morning class for two hours without me- a regular pre-school class. He is thrilled!!!! Here he is yesterday all ready to leave for his first day.

It was great fun hearing him talk about it when I went to pick him up! He's really something else!

This morning Ethan was whining and kept asking "Setttthhhhhhhh, are you going to play with meeeee?" "Settthhhhhh". Seth replies, "Ethan!!! Do dogs stand up?! NO!"

HA! Where DOES he get this stuff?!

This Day in (terrible) history....

To read more about this day in history back in 1991, read http://minnesota-mama.blogspot.com/2006/10/unforgettable-time-of-year.html which I wrote in 2006. It explains why I always seem to struggle a bit on October 3rd.

Then to read what happened on this date one year ago today, read this post: http://minnesota-mama.blogspot.com/2007/10/life-upside-down.html .

What struck me today was that it is the first October 3rd that I can't call Daddy if I'm sad, or actually he would have called me and said, "I remember what today is and am checking to see how you're doing." He even did that last year even with the news he got on this day!

I always know to prepare something for October 3rd, something to keep my mind occupied. For weeks, Cala and I have had a girls night planned for tonight! Glenn and the boys had a reading program thing to go to for fathers and their kids from ages 3 to 7. Since Cala is older than that, we planned to spend some girl time together. What absolute FUN we had this evening! We were gone from 4:30 to 9:20 or so. The guys left same time as we did, and returned 5 minutes later.

God was really good to me to allow me a day of good things. Yes, there's been tears, and a lot of sadness, but I am thankful tonight for my daughter and how crazy acting she is! (you just have to know her to know how I mean that- she's a comedian). We had a blast!

I absolutely love this time of year! I am so happy with the cooler temperatures. OK! I know that in a few very short weeks, I won't be as thrilled, but for now, it's so nice to walk outside and just feel the coolness. The air just feels clean. It's possible for me to be in the countryside pretty quickly, and it's there that I just feel like I can breathe! I love it.

My grief therapist said I needed to take some mental breaks. What she meant was times like this when I can take a ride to the country, find a pretty spot to stare out for awhile. I have some rides planned in the near future.

I have a doctor's appointment this Friday. Unfortunately, one of my medicines is giving me unwanted side effects and so it looks like it will have to be changed. I am just thankful I have a good doctor (and good insurance).

Last Sunday, we had two visitors at church! It was a college student and his mother. The mother lives in another state, but the student says he will be back. By the way, a couple or three weeks ago we began, as a church, going on visitation. We go door to door handing out invitations to church. Glenn reminded us Sunday night that God is already blessing the effort- although we may not see any of the people we personally invite, God will bless what we do, perhaps with other folks coming as happened Sunday morning.

I appreciate those of you who are out there praying. I emotionally feel like I am in a strange place. I feel as if I am coming a bit out of the darkness, but the darkness is very real and looming, waiting to pull me completely back in. Just keep praying. Oh how I miss those who have recently gone! I just long to talk to my Daddy.... one day. One day.