Grief is real today- just hit me all of a sudden... strange how that happens.

Fibro pain is rough today- surely that was brought on my the snow.

Snow has seemed to pour all day- really it has... started at around 10 this morning and as of 11 p.m., it's still coming down some.

Seth is some better, but is still pretty miserable. I wish I could take it for him, poor guy.

Praise today is that Ethan found my camera! (it had been lost for a few weeks now!)

Thank the Lord that Cala came through her dental procedure just fine! I didn't like seeing my baby girl (10 years old!) "knocked out". I being as claustrophobic as I am couldn't have stood the procedure without being knocked out that's for sure! ha I am way claustrophobic! (yesterday at the ER, I asked every nurse and various hospital employee to please leave our door cracked open... it was just too small (with no windows at all) for me to be closed up and feeling like I couldn't get out!)

I praise the Lord that Cala was fine... woke up, and walked into the wall, couldn't stop talking, but she's fine. She AND Seth fell asleep this afternoon for about three hours!

As for Seth, the poor guy is just miserable still. Please keep praying. I hate this.

As for the cyst on my wrist, the doctor says it's called a "ganglion cyst" and nothing to worry about. That was great news!

In other news: our new refrigerator comes tomorrow! I am happy about that!

Please pray for Seth! He is so sick!

Saturday night he began coughing such a deep, deep cough and yesterday it got worse, and he began having a fever. This morning, I decided to call the doctor. I knew his doctor is not in on Mondays, but at this point would have taken any doctor they had. However, they had no one available to even work Seth in. His appointment was set for 2:45 tomorrow afternoon!

Within 30 minutes, Seth began gasping and really coughing terribly. We decided to head to the ER, especially since our insurance covers it 100 percent too. SO glad we went! The doctor thought he might have pneumonia, but the x-rays showed no. However, he does have a severe upper respiratory virus AND something called Reactive Airway Disease- let's just say, he's miserable!!! They gave him a breathing treatment, sent us home with a nebulizer and the home health care group will be bringing out another one tomorrow... that one will become ours permanently. So, when Seth no longer needs it, it will still be nice to have since I have asthma. Every once in a blue moon, I need a breathing treatment.

I had an IEP (individualized education plan) meeting with Ethan's "team" of teachers at 3:00. We got home from the ER at 2:56! I made it into the meeting (a tad late), got home around 4 p.m., ate supper by 4:45, and left at 5:00 for Cala's school (parent/teacher conference). I left there, got home around 5:30, beeped the horn, Cala and Ethan got in and off we went to Target! We needed to pick up Seth's prescription (medicine for the nebulizer) and also get some stuff we needed. We made it home sometime around 8:05! I am tired.

Please pray for us! Tomorrow at 9:30 a.m., Cala will be having some dental work- they are going to have her "knocked out" for this. I am a tad nervous about it, but trusting it will all be fine. With our kids being adopted and not knowing birth family medical history, it concerns me some.

Then tomorrow afternoon, I have an appointment with my doctor. This past Saturday morning, I found a lump in my right wrist. (under the skin). I have to say with the history of cancer in my family, it's always a concern. I know chances are this is "nothing" but do pray for me please.

Hopefully tomorrow evening will bring some relaxation. We need it!

This morning, Glenn carried Ethan to the doctor. Last week, Ethan showed us a bruise that he couldn't recall where he got it from... we thought no big deal because after all, he's a little boy! About three days ago, we noticed a knot or a lump right above the bruise (on his right leg). It began getting larger and hurting him.

Yesterday afternoon, the doctor's nurse said to definitely bring him in and so Glenn did. They think it's just a "blood blister." If it does not go away in two weeks from today or he gets a fever from it, we are to carry him back in right away to be sure that it's nothing more.

This afternoon, we carried all three kids to the dentist. This was the first time for either boy to ever go to a dentist. We really liked this dentist! (we had a bad experience at one before a few months ago).

Cala will be going back on Tuesday- two cavities to fill and two teeth to put sealants on. I also get the wonderful job of searching for an Orthodonist that takes our insurance- Cala more than likely is going to need braces. Cala sees this as a good thing- she's 10. What will she think when they're actually on her teeth? We'll see.

On a cute note: The dentist was saying, "I bet your Mom can remember when you were a baby and your teeth were coming in and you would cry from the pain." The dentist didn't know Cala was adopted, and at age 2 years 7 months at that. (side note: she was so developmentally delayed that we DID go through some teething with her, so I indeed remember the crankiness! ha).

Cala though sits straight up in the chair, looks at the doctor and says, "I was never a baby! I was adopted!" HA HAAAAAAa We all got a good laugh at that one, and I explained to Cala that of course you were still a baby at one point, just not with us. Precious.

Bad News, Good News

Bad News - our refrigerator went kaput.

Good News- we will have a new refrigerator.

Bad News- it can't be delivered until one week from tomorrow.

Good News- we live in Minnesota and it's winter!

Bad News- we lost hamburger meat that I had just bought.

Good News- the freezer is still working and so we won't lose anything else.

Bad News- we will have to buy little bit along until the new refrigerator gets here

Good News- just as stated before, we live in Minnesota and it's winter!!!! We can put our milk in the garage (a gallon is in there now), and it will serve as a refrigerator.

God blessed today even when we weren't expecting it... a church member called last night to say their entire family was sick, evidently have what we all had (and I am still battling). We certainly feel for them...it's rough.

However, we had 3 visitors this morning! That was great. One is a woman who will be attending for a couple of months while she and her husband are house sitting. They are from Texas. The other was a young man that attended a few times last fall- he and his sister (who is visiting from North Dakota) came this morning. We pray he comes back next week!

And so, even when you think you'll be down in attendance, God blesses. To be completely honest here, this morning I wasn't feeling like going. I thought about staying home but pressed on. I am so glad I did.

Happy Valentine's Day! Of course I write this as it's almost over! We had a great time as always. My husband is very romantic, and I am truly blessed.

This past week was spent with my family taking turns being sick it seems and now our church family is suffering from the same junk! It's really going around here I guess.

I've had a wonderful time on Facebook (http://www.facebook.com) lately, reconnecting with "old" friends. It's really been fun catching up with people I had lost along the way.

Today Ethan asked me who adopted me. I thought it was precious! I explained that not everyone has to be adopted, that some people like me and Papa (Glenn) stay with the woman who had them in their tummy. He said, "oh, Grandma Barker is your birthmother?" Priceless... just priceless.... :o)

I've been having a really rough time keeping my mind off anything but my Daddy. His 74th birthday would have been tomorrow. :o/

My counselor gave me a print out this past week of the 4 stages of grief. I am caught somewhere in between stage 1 and stage 2. I try not beating myself up over this, but my goodness... I just miss him so very much!

Today was a good day. I enjoyed my birthday really. There was just some bittersweet moments, especially when Mama talked me two different times in the day. It was just knowing that my Daddy wouldn't be talking to me today that hurt so much. I called my Mama one time and asked her to let me call back and for them not to answer. I wanted to hear the answering machine, as it is still Daddy's voice on it.

As I listened, I cried and cried, but for a moment, it brought peace. I've cried off and on since, but I have been able to enjoy the efforts put forth by my sweet husband and my children. This morning, Cala and the boys came down carrying me breakfast that CALA had made- wonderful scrambled eggs (she really can make them better than me!), with melted mozzarella cheese in them, two pieces of toast, a glass of milk, and a cup of hot chocolate! The boys were standing right next to Cala, all singing me "Happy Birthday". Cala and Ethan spent time with me before going to school.

Glenn, Seth and I tried to go on to Denny's (sure couldn't tell Cala that we already had plans for breakfast)--- we went later on in the morning, but there was a near hour wait for the free Grand Slam promotion today... so we went on to Hardee's for a yummy biscuit. (Glenn by that point was very hungry). We stopped by Wal-mart for my cake and to look around a bit, and then home.

I got a nice nap while waiting for Cala and Ethan to get home from school. We soon left for supper at Buffalo Wild Wings. It was very nice and we all had a great time. We came home, went upstairs and had cake and ice cream. Of course I opened gifts and cards. The phone calls came throughout the day (heard the messages) and others called tonight. It was nice to know people love me.

Oh yes! I started the day talking to my niece who turned 13 today. :o)

HAPPY BIRTHDAY MICHELLE!

With my birthday coming tomorrow, I couldn't help but be sad today, incredibly sad. No, I'm not upset that I'm about to turn 38. That's o.k.

I just miss my Daddy so very much, well, there's just not the words in the English language to describe the hole I feel in my heart tonight. It's the first birthday that I will not hear my Daddy call me and sing to me. Oh how I long for that!

Sunday

This was one of those mornings when what could go wrong did go wrong! I strive to have my house ready at the drop of a hat... meaning if we were to get to the Sunday morning meeting place (a school) and for some strange reason it wasn't oh say, open for us, that we could just rush back to our house and hold services.

Last night, our church members held a birthday party for me at their house. We had a great time, eating supper, having cake, playing games, (opening presents :o) . I guess I could blame it on being gone so long but really, I had told Cala to not worry about cleaning the foyer (entryway) until this afternoon- so it would be ready for church tonight (which we always have Sunday night and Wednesday night services here in our home). I had let her leave some stuff for the recycle bin too! Let me back up and say that the main reason I did that was because I knew we were going to be gone late, and would be tracking in more snowy boots, so why not wait until Sunday afternoon?!

Can you see where this is going?! We get to our meeting place and there sat a packed parking lot. Well, wouldn't it be great if they were all there for church? BUT we knew that wasn't true and there went my sinking feeling.... the doors were locked!!!! There was some sort of event going on in the school next door to the one where we meet, but folks were parked everywhere. Oh did my heart sink....

The dear church goers said they would drive slow :o) hee hee and we rushed back here to spruce up the place.... Cala, I've got to brag on her here, because this is HIGHLY UNUSUAL for her, but she did really, really well at just pitching in and going to work! She grabbed the broom, grabbed the Swiffer and got the foyer going while I quick picked up dirty towels off my bathroom floor. The boys got busy with the family room (which wasn't really bad at all, just a couple of play swords on the floor- a.k.a paper towel rolls! ha).

AND then the phone rang... a dear soul wanting to know if she had gone to the wrong place- Glenn explained about the mix up at our meeting place and told her how to get to our home... he then offered to go meet her in town to make sure she got here with no trouble. (one less person to help with Glenn being gone is all I could think, right after I praised the Lord for her coming! ha). Then our church folks show up, and I panic. ha Glenn asked them to take him to town (bless you dear husband, giving me more time to clean before everyone is back), to insure the woman who called would get here o.k. HOWEVER, my dear friend jumps out of her van to say she would stay and help me. Glenn, trying to save his wife from being embarrassed at anyone seeing her home like this, replied, "oh that's o.k. Sister."

HOWEVER, about that time, CALA PANICS! "MAMA, Sister ______ is getting out of her van!" I just had to laugh at that point, and really it turned out to be a blessing! She came in and asked what she could do and I (who normally am inclined at these times to respond with, "why, just sit down and relax, nothing, we've just about got it."), replied, "you can vacuum the family room if you don't mind." And off she went.... Meanwhile, I am taking over the Swiffer while sending Cala upstairs to put the broom away, and notice a sheet still tacked to the wall (which is there when the kids have to sleep downstairs in extreme cold).... I am just about to ask Cala to come down quickly when I see dear Cala drinking some water! ugghhh (no time to be thirsty, girl!). I then hear the door of the laundry room close....

Oh, the laundry room.... sigh... I don't even want to mention Mt. Washmore that is going on in there. I ought to charge admission for the view!!! HAAAAAAAA Let me just say that with the knowledge that this dear woman (who I truly thank God for coming to help at that point), had seen my laundry room.... I used a word my sweet saint of a Mama would use..........

I was MORTIFIED.

By the way, I thought church went really well. You can believe me that this will never happen again! Next Sunday, it will be spotless that morning- and of course, the meeting place will be open, welcoming us in.

Guess I finally thought of something to say.... hee hee

For our weekly family night tonight (Friday), it was Cala's turn to choose everything. For our entertainment, she wanted to watch a movie. We regularly use Redbox (you know, the "red" dvd boxes in places like Wal-mart, some grocery stores, McDonald's)? (http://www.redbox.com) . Tonight, all I could find was one movie, or so I thought it was a movie. It turned out to be a bunch of cartoons, but really, really cute and Cala was happy with it.

After the kids were in bed, Glenn and I finally got to see the movie Fireproof. (we got it through redbox, which by the way is only $1 (plus tax)!) It was excellent!!! If you haven't seen this movie yet, please do! It's so neat to see a Christian movie very well produced. It's main star is Kirk Cameron, who just so happened to grace my bedroom wall as a teenager. ha (back when he starred in Growing Pains). It's great to have someone like him be a Christian.

I hope to post some pictures here tomorrow. So stay tuned!

I sit here trying to think of something to say! ha ha Back to you when I find it.

More info on my PW friend's son....

As it turned out, my PW friend's son was playing what's called the "choking game". While they are comforted to know he was not trying to take his own life, it's tragic all the same.
http://www.chokinggame.net/ This website serves as a warning for parents and is a parent education site. I had no idea about this kind of "game". How sad.

Continue praying for this family as they go through the funeral on Tuesday and all the grief that goes with this.

Hug Your Kids Extra Tight....

It's hard in today's world as a teen... foot, it's hard in today's world for many of us at different ages.

My heart is just aching tonight... a PW I know online is grieving as her 14 year old son hung himself Thursday night. He was pronounced dead Friday night. Please pray for them as they grieve. He was found by his Daddy and his brother.

Please tell your kids that there is NOTHING so bad that it's worth killing yourself.

A Bit of Happiness

Amidst my stress, my sadness, my low points, God was gracious to send a smile my way. I have a facebook page and have tried for ages to find old classmates, but to no avail. A couple of weeks ago, a guy from the class just older than me found me. That was neat, but I really wanted to find my closest friends too, you know, the ones back then, that you thought you would never lose touch with! Tonight, I decided to try searching one guy's name that is less common again, and found him! Within an hour, I had found 4 other long lost friends from back then. I went to a small Christian school in Orlando and so we were a lot like family in those days.

It's cool to see pictures of these folks and see what they look like now. Funny how in my mind, they were frozen in time.

I thank God for the bit of sunshine he's sent my way tonight. Sunshine for the soul.

I'm at an extreme low point right now. Please please pray for me. I am just mentally exhausted. Physically, I am experiencing a lot of issues which I honestly think stem from stress right now. Please pray for us all. Thank you!

Baby it's cold outside...

School was canceled this morning due to extreme wind chills. (as low as -51 this morning at one point!). That's what I call "insanely cold!" It was one of those times when you're told to not go outside if you don't have to, but uh... we had no choice! We have one more therapy session to attend tomorrow in the Cities and it's supposed to be cold like this again tomorrow.

But hey! It's January... it's Minnesota! What do I expect, right?!

We are completely exhausted at the end of this week. Every Friday we have a weekly family night and we had fun last night. It was Seth's turn and we had a night of Mario Kart on the Wii. It's my favorite game to play and the kids have great fun with us playing the games too. It was much needed after a stressful week.

Next week will bring more of the same, so I am trying to schedule some really low key suppers. When I say low key I am talking hot dogs and fries, etc. We are used to me cooking and I usually cook quite healthy meals, but this coming week- no way. This week has been pretty low key too but it's needing to be even lower key next week.

We relaxed this morning and let everyone sleep as late they wanted to. I think we were all up by 7:30! The kids and I have been working some on the house... Glenn has been writing his monthly report and studying more for his sermons tomorrow.

We have more cleaning to do together tonight and are also getting everything Christmas out of the house.

Exciting Saturday as you can see! ha haaaaaa

First off, Suz asked what we had for Russian Christmas. Normally, Suz we do cook for this holiday, but with our terribly chaotic schedule this next couple of weeks, we bought our food. Groceries stores around here have Russian food, so we had some chicken kiev (ok, that's from Ukraine, but we ate it all the time in Russia!), pelmeni, Russian style salads and Russian cookies. It was all good. The boys enjoyed having food from "where Cala's from!".

I think Lynn asked me in the comments section how long we'll be going to this therapy.... it was scheduled from the 5th through the 16th. We go Monday through Friday, for two weeks.

As I mentioned tonight on my blog about Ethan, after therapy today, we went to a Salvadoran restaurant. Ethan lit up to see people that are from El Salvador like him, and to eat the food. It was good food too! I enjoyed talking to a woman there and she LOVED knowing Ethan is Salvadoran. She went and got more employees to come see him and they all smiled. It was nice.

We ate a Salvadoran dish called Pupusa. Here is a sample of what we ate:

Pupusas originated in El Salvador, and are similar to corn tortillas, only thicker and stuffed with cheese, beans or meat. They are served with a type of salad that you put on top, and then salsa. Yummy!

We also ate fried yuca and something called sopes, but none of us cared much for the sopes. The fried yuca and the pupusas were very, very good!!!! We definitely want to go back to this restaurant!