Grief.... plain and simple... grief.
A girl I grew up with is the nearest thing I have to a sister. (I am the youngest, the only girl- I have 3 older brothers). My "sister" came to see Daddy today (whom she considers her Dad, as he is as close to one as she had). It was rough seeing her see Daddy in this condition... she came 2 weeks ago to visit I am told, but Daddy was not as bad off as he is now. He seems to be changing daily.
I had been crying a lot before she came, but had stopped.... seeing my "sister" sobbing made me feel so strange, sort of removed from the situation. I felt so bad for her, and left the room for just a moment to get my Mama. She came and held my "sis."
You see, we all know we HAVE to face Daddy's impending death. We just don't want to. It really doesn't make it any easier to know we have to. We are all dealing with this the best we can I think.
Then, enter in guilt... I left for a couple of hours this evening thinking Daddy would be sleeping the entire time because he had been awake a LOT today (because his bath aides were here for a good long while, then my "sis" came, my inlaws were here, etc.). He was so tired and you could really tell that.
I called while we were out (went to eat with my inlaws for their anniversary), and Daddy was awake. I felt so guilty for ever leaving. Now, my parents both assured me not to feel that way, but I couldn't help it. I am home, he's sleeping. sigh.....
Please pray we all sleep tonight. Last night was not a good night at all. My Mama, my sister in law, my husband and I all were up around 3:30 helping Daddy. After everyone else went to bed, I still could not sleep, and it was after 6 a.m. I finally rested a bit. Pray.
1 comment:
Oh Amy, don't feel guilty! Sometimes you need some time away so you can come back more refreshed.
Stopping by to let you know I'm still here praying!
Isaiah 43:1-3a But now thus saith the LORD that created thee, O Jacob, and he that formed thee, O Israel, Fear not: for I have redeemed thee, I have called thee by thy name; thou art mine. When thou passest through the waters, I will be with thee; and through the rivers, they shall not overflow thee: when thou walkest through the fire, thou shalt not be burned; neither shall the flame kindle upon thee. For I am the LORD thy God, the Holy One of Israel, thy Saviour...
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